I hate to intrude because I am not an active participant in these forums, but generally most professionals recommend making sure that kids understand that custody decisions, including where they live, are adult decisions. And are handled by the parents, and perhaps even a Judge, but while you respect their desires, it isn't up to them. There are only really a handful of states where Judges are mandated to even listen to kids on what they want in terms of custody/visitation.
Your settlement was signed by a Judge right? Lots of divorced parents use legal language with their kids -- we have to stick with what the Judge said to handle these kinds of discussions. In other words, they "blame" the court. When your kids came to you, you might have said, "interesting idea, but the daddy and I along with the Judge decided this was best." And then you could have privately brought it up with your X. You knew he was going to say no -- that is what he does -- and he will always disappoint them. This is why they are blessed to have you.
I wouldn't protect him, but I am not sure I would show her the text. I might tell her that dad says no.
Gently, do you want him to say yes? Do you think he would be a good and effective parent? If not, I would want this conversation to end. If you don't think it is a good idea for them to live with him 50 percent of the time, then don't encourage them to ask him. He may feel pushed and eventually say yes. Then what/
Their father isn't living up to their expectations. That stinks. Sooner, rather than later, they will start to moderate their expectations.
