I wonder, do our spouses know the amount of turmoil we go through on a daily basis? I guess they could be asking themselves that same question. Would be nice to sit and talk and be honest with each other instead of having to wonder. After all, we used to be able to tell them anything and everything about ourselves.
"Be messy and complicated and afraid and show up anyways."
Hope, I don't think they care about our turmoil. Or they don't care enough, since they are the ones causing it. It would be nice to have an honest convo with them, and to be able to understand wth this happened. But they can't be honest, and sometimes what they say is really painful. Remember, we have to believe nothing they say and only 50% of what we see. It completely stinks.
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
Hope, I just read more of your story. I know how you feel, because I'm living a similar life. The conversations that are nice give me hope, and the distance makes me scared. I grab the breadcrumbs and make a meal out of it. Then I wonder how she can say those things and still go back to ow. I'm struggling today, after feeling a little optimistic yesterday. It's a rollercoaster we're on and we just have to hang on until we can jump off. Or it stops. I hope and pray it just stops for all of us and that we can get back to living.
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
That's true, NYGal. I have to remember that even if/when we do manage to have a conversation with them, don't believe anything they say and half of what we see b/c there is so much beneath the surface. And yes, when they manage to be honest, its just painful and I feel like banging my head against a cement wall...sorry for the graphic visual and pls know that I would not do that.
They are certainly the ones causing it and can stop it with the same amount of boldness they're using to go through it. Put that energy toward restoring your M, not tearing it down.
"Be messy and complicated and afraid and show up anyways."
I would do that. The headbanging might hurt less, actually.
The grass isn't greener on the other side, it's greener where you water it. They choose to water it elsewhere when they make the choice to stop giving to the M.
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
I agree. The head banging actually might hurt less. Oddly enough, ever since this started happening, I sometimes catch myself feeling fearless. Like nothing can scare me b/c this was my biggest fear. Like I can handle anything that comes after this and I now could care less what people think about me or what they have to say about me wanting to save my M.
This is clear example of the nature of our emotions- one minute I feel like screaming in the bathroom stall at work, the next I feel like nothing scares me now. This stuff is just insane. I just never know which way my feelings are going to go.
Okay, I love how you put this:
Originally Posted By: Ojap
we won't be fooled. We will be longsuffering, without being doormats. We will wade through the mess. Hope, pray, and believe.
All the while...doing our best to GAL, detach, 180, and become better versions of ourselves.
"Be messy and complicated and afraid and show up anyways."
