I long for the day when I don't go to bed thinking about my sitch or waking up thinking about my sitch. I would love for the knot in my stomach that has been there for 7 months to go away....
[/quote]
Oh Broke, that is my feeling exactly. Every night I pray that I will have the strength to make it through the next day without the pain. Every day I wake up, I realize my prayers have not been answered.
Me 41 W 33 M 2013 Suspect A 11/15 Confirm A 1/16 She moved out 2/14/16 Stepson 13 Stepson 16
Include me in this feeling broke. I am also tired of the roller coaster.
Found a good distraction this am tho. This may not be for everyone. I slept in and had to rush my routine to get out of the house. Haha. Not the best way but it made for a morning where I wasn't thinking about W!
The person that you will spend the most time with in your life is yourself, so make yourself as interesting as possible.
"I long for the day when I don't go to bed thinking about my sitch or waking up thinking about my sitch. I would love for the knot in my stomach that has been there for 7 months to go away...."
Add me to the list. It takes energy for me to go to bed every night b/c I know the next day I'll experience the full gamut of emotions at some point. Isn't that the craziest thing you've ever heard?! I woke up this morning earlier than normal and felt ok with my "new normal" but as soon as I got going, felt a wave of sadness deep in my chest. You're not alone today, broke.
"Be messy and complicated and afraid and show up anyways."
I didn't want to get up this morning either. It's hard to keep "working on myself" when all I want to do after work is find something to numb the pain. Something to stop the thoughts. So I read stuff on here, drink wine, take Benadryl, watch something inane on my iPad and fall asleep before it's over. Yesterday I was optimistic, today I needed my friend to remind me that ow is a nutcase and it's not going to last. She said it with such certainty. Just what I needed to hear.
Doesn't it feel like you've been given a long prison sentence with an uncertain release date?
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
So glad the forum is back up because I missed you guys!
Feeling melancholy today....fighting to get to Saturday because that means I have been DB'ing for one month. No begging, pursuing or initiating talks of reconciliation in one month. That is a milestone for me. Because, I probably mentioned reconciling at least once a month in the past 7.5 months. Not sure it is doing much good for my M, but I do think it is helping me focus on me and what I want to change to be stronger and more independent.
A little sad because I got an email from H about moving all of my recurring expenses from our joint credit card to my own. Since filing for D, he wants to keep our finances separate (although we are still paying for them out of our joint checking accounts). Just seems that little by litte, bit by bit, he is removing me from all aspects of his life.
M 44 H 46 M 20yrs T 25 yrs S15 S12
ILYBINILWY 7/18/15 Move to MBR 9/8/15 Physical Separation 10/10/15 Suspect A 8/2015 Confirm A 12/27/15 D filed by H 2/2/16
Sorry to hear about the email, it must just add another dip or twist in your rollercoaster. I sincerely hope your H pulls his head out of his a$$ soon. Even if not you are going to be so much stronger and better!! Hugs to you broke!
Me 41 W 33 M 2013 Suspect A 11/15 Confirm A 1/16 She moved out 2/14/16 Stepson 13 Stepson 16
Congratulations broke!!!! So proud of you!! Yes, I missed the forum too! I thought something was wrong with all of my devices and my WiFi (which H still pays for so that would've meant I'd have to call him about it...)
I'm also sorry to hear about the email, but don't let that deter your DBing. Look how far you've come! This is a marathon not a sprint, right?! My H told me he'd like to remove some things from certain accounts also. I just said, "Sure, go for it," and then inserted a very subtle sour comment. So you're doing better than me! Keep up the good work b/c you are an inspiration to me and all of us here!
"Be messy and complicated and afraid and show up anyways."
