Like everyone else here, emotions sometimes sneak up and crash over me, leaving me in a puddle of paralyzing fear, anger or despair. Other days I'm so convinced that I'm detached or hopeful that the changes I see in him are a positive sign that I'm walking on sunshine.
I'm not sure how much H's ladyfriend is an issue anymore. At one point I had chosen to apologize for my behavior to her (sorry for withdrawing at parties and get togethers and making everyone else feel shunned by me) because I felt the need to explain to her that it made me sick to see her having such a great relationship with my H as he was pulling away from me that I had to leave the room/area. I was ready to forgive her for a very specific set of marital boundary crossings, if only to allow myself to move on. But she never apologized. I have been unable to fully forgive her and move on and have realized...its hard to forgive an unapologetic person. She has backed off somewhat, but I've also realized it is in her nature to use her fun personality to use people to get things she otherwise wouldn't be able to get. Right now, she has a large vacation home for her family...mine. She has a boss who lets her run his office even though she's only there as a very part time hourly employee who comes and goes as she pleases. My H's office. But she has, from what I've seen and heard, backed off on the friendship. Well, this kinda turned into a rant. Yep! Haven't forgiven or forgotten. It'll take awhile to make sure that issue isn't taking up so much of my mindspace. I'll get there, though.
And H has pulled back from people outside of work. He really does pretty much work long hours (throw himself into work) and then go ski mostly alone on weekends (his only social life right now). Ski season is almost over, though.
The more I read about MLC, the more I realize he's probably been in one for at least 8 years. I've seen him go through so many stages. My D25 had "hottie Dad" her senior year of highscool, when he lost a ton of weight and started changing his hair, clothing style, taking supplements and hiring a personal trainer, and being the life of the party. That's also when he started treating me like an unwanted growth and hung out more with his friends (including his ladyfriend and her H). They drank and partied a lot on weekends and that hasn't been my scene since college. Before that was a horrible depression which he
Right now, while we're going through D, I'm still DBing somewhat. Not initiating contact, which he's starting to initiate more. Not asking him many questions, but being there to listen and validate when needed. I'm allowing him to see me boxing things up and he has been helping me clean up the property, so he knows I'm preparing to leave this house. I have accepted that the D will go through and tha house will be sold and that I will have to continue to DB from a whole new life. I'm trying to put things together for that next step. I really wonder what's going on within his MLC mind at this point in the game, and how being D will affect everything, which tells me how not detached I am.
M-51 H-54 2D-27 and 25 M-26 yrs Bombshell and IHS 7-29-15 He moved out 10-3-15 D filed 1-27-16 D final 10-27-16
