Beginning of the End

[TimR]

No Thornton she was not always like that. Supposedly she used to like me. How quickly things change though. She has to be over 100 quotes on her board about me by now.

[broke]

Tim,

I feel exactly the same way you do. For 7 months, I've thought of nothing else. And I was shell-shocked. Never did I imagine I'd be here, never did I think I'd want to reconcile after the cheating. Love makes you do crazy things.

My H even said that I would never forgive him for cheating. I responded that I thought it'd be easier to forgive the cheating than forgive him for not trying to save a 25-year R and family. My friends think that's nuts.

So I don't think the WAS can see past the affair fog. And if they can, they don't think they'll be forgiven. And I don't think they can be reasonable or rational at all.

[Thornton]

No Thornton she was not always like that. Supposedly she used to like me. How quickly things change though. She has to be over 100 quotes on her board about me by now.

Same story here. Then once W moved in with me, and she didn't have as much time for her mother, I was the villain. She would be nice to my face, but anytime W had a gripe about me, her mom would encourage her to leave me.

Ive always been cordial with her mom, friendly in fact. I helped her move when no one else would. I would conversate with her when all the other partners of W's siblings wanted nothing to do with her (she hated them too).

When W left this last time, all of sudden her mother is posting all this crap on Facebook about moving on and not looking back etc.

Needless to say, she's been single for years and any man that she has tried to date, she finds something wrong with him on the first date and shuts him down.

I know she wants to live with W and raise D8 together. It's extremely odd.

[TimR]

I said this before Thornton... Are you sure we are not sharing the same WW and now MIL. Either that or you are the bizzaro TimR or I am the bizzaro Thornton (btw do comic book references make me nerdy?) My MIL is not on FB but on Pintrest. She continually posts stuff to W about moving on and not looking back or wasting time.

Like you I helped my MIL when her own sons wouldn't. I put a roof on her garage. Can you imagine a lawyer doing anything with their hands except typing and collecting money. Well I did it and it took me the whole darn summer. She wants to post about me being self centered POS well its funny that I am so self centered that I was busting my a## when her own sons wouldn't do it.

[HopeRB]

Sorry to hijack Tim.

I'm alot like SparkSB: the talker of the relationship who talked everything to death and got nowhere...just talking in circles not resolving anything. So I'm also giving him headspace by being dark. But I wrestle with what TimR points out also and how my H says he felt abandoned, rejected, not loved, alone and not supported when he was going through a rough time. So I'm in the middle: do I stay dark b/c that is a 180 for me, or do I engage him a little b/c he said I rejected him and seemed to not care how he felt?!

And I agree with broke, love makes you do crazy things and bear with things you never thought you would have to. Everyone thinks they know what they'll do in such a sitch as ours but you really don't know until you're present and in it. Also, I feel like the more I offer forgiveness to my H, the less he respects me. And he knows I've forgiven him and that I own up to mistakes. So going dark is a way for me to obtain respect - in my opinion. But I could be wrong.

[Ojap]

Tim,

Sometimes people are just 'cray cray', as my tweens would put it. And tbh...it sounds like the MIL is lonely, bitter, and living vicariously through your W.

My thought is that it has to be part of the 'fog'. AND...they have someone 'on their side'...even though the W is the one who stepped outside of vows and family order...she has found someone close to her that will side with her anyway. Some sort of 'fog friend'.

Stinks big time, dude. Hoping and praying the fog lifts...for ALL of us and our respective sitch's

[TimR]

Well sent an email yesterday about the March wrestling tournaments. I also sent an a text last night about taking S to the dr. He is still sick and is having a hard time breathing during coughing fits.

She has not responded to either one. At the same time she has blocked from FB. A friend told me that she is now somewhat going public with the OM.

Talked to a L this morning. She told me I would probably get a significant time for custody but could not say I would get 50/50 custody as a biological parent would. L told me that using the threat of pulling in biological dad may be a good strategy. Bc she may not want that can of worms opened. Since W is not thinking anything close to rationally IDK. IDK that she would consider it a bad thing or she how she would react. Friends are all telling me to file for custody and I am again leaning that way, even if it means no more hope at R.

[broke]

Tim,

My heart just breaks for you and S13. I don't understand this stupid "affair fog" to begin with. But, the children suffer enough, why won't she just let you have time with him? How do the kids fit into the fog? Especially because the biological father dropped the ball, wouldn't she be grateful that you want to be there for him? I just don't get it.

So, IMHO, I would get all the paperwork ready to go. Be prepared to file for custody. But, wait to see when and how she responds to your texts. She seems like she lets her emotions get the best of her (I did that too - working on it). Maybe she is trying to think about it before she responds. You came off a decent day Sunday, maybe, just maybe she will respond appropriately.

Sending you strength and prayers...keep us posted.

[Thornton]

I think I would hold off on filing UNLESS she actually kept him from you.

In the meantime, if she is letting you spend time with him, no harm no foul.

Keep the lines of communication re: S open like you have done with the emails.

If she threatens you again, after you attempted to keep communication open, then pull the trigger.

[Ojap]

Really solid advice from Thornton (along same lines as Broke).

You can absolutely be prepared, but pulling the trigger is point of no return. Give clear boundaries about when/why you would file and do not do it until those boundaries are crossed.