Ojap's Story

[Ojap]

Journaling:

So...after what I considered 3 or 4 really positive days...the W made sure to put things back in perspective last night.

Basically, I'm in front of TV in our room, I've got my laptop open and phone beside me...she walks to bed and says, "I want to say something, but I really don't want a big response or discussion about it. I just need to say it." She then proceeds to say the following:

"You know your concerns in MC about how secretive I am with my phone and laptop...I think it's funny b/c I never really had those in my life until a few years ago, but you have had your phone attached to your hip 24/7 for years. And do you know that I have, not once, asked you what you're doing, who your texting, etc.? It just seems very one-sided to me. I don't even think you realize how much it comes off as controlling and manipulative. I really am struggling with anger and resentment towards you. I can't keep this up forever. I am going to have to work on some sort of timeline...I guess that's my job. But I am trying...if only for our girls."

So...that sucked. I validated. Told her that I was beginning to understand my role in the downturn of our MR. I said I am working hard on letting go of my tendencies and to allow her to make her own decisions. I did give her an example of how difficult it is for me when she is so protective...and what happens in my mind...how I WANT to trust and believe and allow her freedom, but how my rational mind is FREAKING out because there MUST be something she doesn't want me to know about.

Alright...roller coaster ride is back on. Only real positive I can pull from that convo is that we actually had one...away from MC, and it didn't end in a blowout. We both offered our thoughts (well...I kept the majority of mine) and moved forward.