No, you weren't that bad. Do not believe the lie your W gives for ending the M. Refuse to claim what you know was none of your doing.
I think people who struggle with low self esteem, or who are natural people pleasers, are sensitive to being blamed or criticized. I remember when my H told me I was hypersensitive (especially to his family) and I would let something they said nearly make me sick. I was working so hard to win their approval that it would kill me whenever I heard something critical was said about me. Then, I would get angry and take it out on my H. Crazy!
I said all of that just to let you know that although I was the WS, my heart goes out to you about these painful things that are said or implied. I know a WS can be cruel. You know the true marital history. You know what part you did, and take responsibility. However, you can see through the blame game and realize that this is her method of getting out without being labeled the bad guy. If she can make you, and anyone else, believe it is all your fault, then she feels they will believe she has justifiable cause to leave you.
People who really know you will not buy in to her lies. It seems so common these days that I think a lot of society just marks it off as the spouse spewing to win favoritism and to recruit friends to be in her corner. There may be some who will side with her, but certainly not everyone.
If you continue working on yourself in these sensitive areas, I believe you will get stronger and can let go of something nasty things that have been said. It's those deep issues we have that really needs the work. The outward change is not as difficult as those matters that are known mostly just to ourselves.
I know you are going through a painful time, however, you sound stronger. And, that makes me feel good about you.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
