Ghost Busting - Time to accept what is happening

[job]

Previous Thread:

Ghost Busting Round Six - it's about me

BTW, Cadet may merge your threads since you only have 75 postings on the previous thread.

[ATPeace]

It feels like a merry go round the last few days have been calm with nothing being eiscussed by either of us,W has still not contacted an estate agent to have the house valued and she even said yesterday that if all three of our children still want to remain in the house together and want this ....then even tho she does not want this she will stay in house seperated from me ....this is not the life that I want I want us to find a path back together.

I have to do the very best for my family and I still want what is best for all of us and when I say us I still include my W in that why do I stil care.

I would rather do nothing and remain in this limbo than face the consequence of only seeing my daughter and other childre part time three times a week if I am,lucky

Whilst I have my children then my W is also arround but she is not really here in any loving mannor and just feels like she is trying to get more and more distant.

Her not talking to me txting me wanting to be with e is a choice that she is making

I am [censored] weak she does not love me she did but not now and here,I go into spin mode

Why can I not just accept that it is over and stop clinging on to hope that in time she will come around

So Do nothing and remain as I am .....will this change anything ....or do something and loose the life I have ...for something better or worse ?

I,am scared about the future in so any ways

I do not want to be alone,without a loving partner to make me feel complete but I do not wat someone new

I have booked an appointment,with a soliciter and I wonder if we should both go have the conversation together.

I know it is about protecting me ...I do want to listen I do try and listen however every step is a step closer to being on my own

[Vapo]

AAAAAAAAAAAAgh G,

protect yourself, your W does not give a flying fcuk about you. PROTECT YOURSELF and then tend to the kids. You have to get off the roller coaster, or you will lose it. Quite literally. You are spinning and you listen to no one and stil hoping for that magic bullet. It is not coming. Get the fcuk over it.

Man up. Do the right thing. Stop whining...

[Vapo]

And again you seem to have a couple of 100 K in equity and you are whining? Reality check!

[Sotto]

Hi ATP, the L visit is purely for you to get your own advice in this sitch. I wouldn't even consider going together. Presumably if your W also wants to benefit from L advice, she will source her own L too...

[rd500]

Ghost , as the others have said the L is for you. I going to be blunt here , if W stays and announces OM what do you do then. ? Roll over and let her see someone else while you babysit the kids

Of course your still spinning but you need to slow down. Your worth someone's love and not scraps that W may or may not feed yo

What message will her staying give the kids , what state will your mind be in when W goes out to her clubs and comes home at 3 or 4am or not at all

this is a tough time but you have to deal with it. I'm sorry but your clinging on to a M that's gone Maybe one day a new M might start but maybe not

You need to see the lawyer , you need separate for your mental health

You love you kids obviously and you need to put them first and living in a house with the tension yours has and will have is no environment for children

Just my opinion Ghost Your in a lot of pain but this route will only make it worse

Take care. Rd

[mahhhty]

I am [censored] weak she does not love me she did but not now and here,I go into spin mode

Why can I not just accept that it is over and stop clinging on to hope that in time she will come around

So Do nothing and remain as I am .....will this change anything ....or do something and loose the life I have ...for something better or worse ?

I,am scared about the future in so any ways

I do not want to be alone,without a loving partner to make me feel complete but I do not wat someone new

I have booked an appointment,with a soliciter and I wonder if we should both go have the conversation together.

I know it is about protecting me ...I do want to listen I do try and listen however every step is a step closer to being on my own

G -
I think you are a lot like me. You would bend over backwards for her "to show her" things can be better. That is b/c you are emotionally involved. This does not work b/c your "bending" is more of the same weak behavior. You need to be strong, confident, etc. Even if you are faking it.

You want her back? Take a stand. Work with a lawyer and have her served.

[Huddy]

Hi Ghost

Ok, I'm seeing lots of parallels here with me. My W wanted to sell the house and took a long time about getting the estate agents in. All the time I believed this was a sign she was turning; she did not.

She would talk about not hurting me or the kids. Again, I saw this as a sign; it was not.

There are lots of things that you will see, hear her say, but none of it will get her to change her mind right now. It's making you look weak and pathetic. I'm sorry if that seems harsh, but one day, like me, you wake up and realise that you can't make anything better, no matter what you do. If your W decides to turn back (trust me, you will see signs when you're apart) she will want to return to a MAN.

You've been spinning for so long now, I don't know if there is any way back for your W. Let her sell the house, let her live her life - she might not like it.

[broke]

Ghost,

I am sorry for your sitch. I asked my H to move out in October when he said there was no hope for reconciliation. It was heart breaking and difficult. Sometimes, I wonder if it was the right decision. But, I will tell you this, I am no longer walking on eggshells or an emotional puddle every time I see him. I have changed tremendously for the better and I think it has helped my children not to see us fighting or angry with one another. I also am able to face my H with strength and boundaries that were too hard to enforce when he was still living with us. The D still seems to be proceeding and it was hard at first not to see my kids every day. But, I am so much healthier emotionally. I would never have made it the last 5 months if we would've been living together. Stay strong

[otw]

Broke
I questioned asking w to leave as well. I look back and can't see another better solution for me.