I Think it's Way Too Late

[TimR]

You will heal buddy. Keep GALing for you and you will make it through. Become the person only an idiot would leave. Maybe, she will be an idiot maybe she wont. Maybe once she sees that the grass isn't greener she will be back, possibly not. If its the latter it is never too late to find someone else right, to find a new love!

[1313]

Thanks Tim,
I just have to prepare for a very long, very ugly several months. The timing of all this is just mind-boggling as well. I now have to worry about keeping my Mother intact, and be a caretaker for her - which makes GAL half impossible.

It kills me to be using her money to fight this thing, and while she's all gung-ho I half want to just roll over to save her money. The W is all too aware of the strain this is putting on me. I have this problem with morals my W is immune to. That's probably why she lawyered up instead of getting a mediator. She expects, no she deserves everything and a little bit more.

I tell you though, I'm about ready to throw out any hope of resolving things and think of making her life as miserable as possible. Just let everybody she knows what's really going on. Tarnish that stellar reputation just a wee bit.

I guess Sandi could understand and explain this double life that she's been living, to plan something for so very long. And to lie to me for months and months, being friendly (but not loving) and then lowering the boom. They consider the ILYBINILWY the fair warning, and while we're trying to figure out what just happened, the knife goes in.

Yup, she's planning and counting on me being a nice guy while she claims she's taking the high road. I'm the one saying and doing terrible things, and she's above it all.

/vent

Oh well, I guess I'm going to go take my evening walk and hope I don't see her again.

Anyway, I'm glad to hear things have improved for you just a little bit - those careful and measured responses are paying off.

[TimR]

While I agree it is hard dealing with the anger (just read my thread) don't let it control you (easier said than done). At the same time do not roll over for her. Be fair but firm. That's all I can really say. She will regret it in the long run.

[1313]

Hi Tim,
Luckily (or not) the W is unaware of any anger on my part - but I can still sense it on hers. Today I see she's purchased a domain with her maiden name on it - so I imagine that she's going to purge all remaining ties to me as quickly as possible. It floors me that she is either amping up the hatred or has felt this way and hidden it. Perhaps a bit of both.

And trust me - her maiden name is not the best one to try to use. I'd stick with her first name if I were her.

If you go to her home page, there's a bunch of videos I did on Vimeo, which show my registered user name. That must really irk her. Funny thing is - it wasn't a problem a couple of months ago - and I almost changed it. I'm glad I didn't. So if you see her home page, my name is on it more than hers (granted, not very large). I suppose she'll be dumping all of those videos - because in a couple the clients talk about me too!

Oh well, as they say here, have no expectations. I do, but they're that I will never see her again. Anything else will be a bonus.

[TimR]

Are those videos your property or hers? I know photographers keep the property rights and you buy licenses most of the time. How does it work with those videos.

How are you doing with GALing??

[1313]

Are those videos your property or hers? I know photographers keep the property rights and you buy licenses most of the time. How does it work with those videos.

How are you doing with GALing??

I'd consider everything I did for her as hers. We were a partnership, and that's what I did as part of my way of working for her, us and the business. Nothing in them would be of any value to me other than acting as an example of what I can do.

The GAL is hard, as I've got to take care of my Mother. Between that and pulling docs for the lawyer (I spent 4 hours today), that's about it. And working on my painting. I'll go for a ride tomorrow if I can.

In order to really GAL, I've got to hire somebody to sit with my Mom. She cannot be trusted for any period of time by herself. It's the same as leaving a toddler alone. She gets into things when I'm here. She's quick and quiet. I can barely get anything done here because she's always doing something. Some of these behaviors of restlessness keep you on your toes, and she'll deny doing any of it afterwards. Only unlike a kid who points at the milk on the floor and says "I didn't do it", she actually believes it. She's positive I'm doing things or people are doing things and she's not been involved.

Isn't it great to have to deal with this as well as a D? Pretty neat-o. Thank you W, perfect timing. Like I said, if it weren't for the D, I'd simply be able to hire somebody for her. Now, I have no idea until the D is over.

[1313]

On the upside today, I went to the market to get some "water enhancer" so my Mother will drink water. That's a whole story by itself.

So, I'm at the market and darned if I don't see the partner of the guy who I saw at the hardware store a couple of days ago. This time I say hello as I'm right next to him. He's all happy and "hey, how's it going...", and I say meh (rather than "I'm fantastic - blah blah" like I normally do), and then say "I suppose you heard...". And he was in shock. So, I tell him the story slowly.

He couldn't believe it. I also told him I'm no Saint, and I've done lots of things I wish I could take back. But nothing that would warrant this sort of hatred. I gave him just a couple of examples of what she's done, no opinions whatsoever. These guys after all were the W's clients. She did work hard to find them their home and get them out of the oversized mansion they were in.

This guy "J" used to be the D.A., he's a sharp cookie. He simply couldn't believe the W went straight for a L, no negotiating, no mediator - straight for the jugular. He wondered if she had gone a little loopy - I said her parents had the same concern, but gave him as much info as I could re: Sandi's WW thoughts without getting into too much detail. But to do this - the logic component completely out the window. He also couldn't believe she planned so far in advance - he's aware of what it takes.

He said GAL, it's all about you now. There's no going back if this is what's happening. Sadly, that's pretty much everyone else's thoughts as well that I've talked to. I said I'd do anything at all to make it work. This 3/13 will be the 35th anniversary of our first date. It will be the first time I've not given her a card, and said happy anniversary. When I think about it - she had something to do last year.

So, I'm happy that these guys didn't know, and I had a chance to at least talk to one of them face to face. I said I was afraid they'd already heard - and just so they know - I'm a monster. J said to keep them on the friends list - and let's do dinner as soon as I feel like socializing and getting out.

So, it wasn't a total loss today!

[1313]

Good Lord.

Seriously, do they know? I felt up, I felt just a little bit positive. That maybe I'm ok, maybe I'm not a total worthless POS.

Then I hear some texts on the phone. I thought it was my buddy who usually texts me about the motorcycle races yesterday.

No.

It was "the assistant". The last communication I had with her was 2/19, when I was harassed about changing her password, which I did - and received nothing in the way of "ok" or "thanks" or even "FU".

(my last message said "changed email password", "tested, works ok!" then 3 hours later "ok, life or death, do it now, I need it. So I spend half an hour with "X" change your password like you wanted then radio silence again. So, maybe you're doing something or with your Dad. After plunking down $700 to pay "W" phone bill, I think I can say I'm done here. I'm sure you'll get everything working. Good luck!"

Now I get 10 days later:
"Going through all your texts you sure do Whine a lot for a man!"
"But then again you are not a man!"

Ugh.
I think I was within my rights to say it's pretty crappy to bend over backwards without so much as a grunt.

I guess I can feel for Tim who has an insane MIL who posts taunts online.

I almost answered this with "U mad bro?" but I'm not even going to justify it. her texts speak for themselves. I wish I had kept all the voice mails.

You just know the hate is rubbing off of my W onto her.

There's no chance at all. Not now, not in 5 years.

[TimR]

Sorry to here about the text. However, on the brighter side look at you recapturing friends. While you should not go around advertising your sitch if you ever want to get back together, you should have a dinner with friends when you can. I am sure it will lift your spirits.

[Sparkls]

Just a slight different perspective.
I do find it interesting that she would go back and reread your texts. Seems an odd thing to do...
I suspect this is a temp check of sorts. It's probably easier for her if she can make you hate her. (and she sure is making it easy!)