I have been DB-ing for a while, or at least i think i have been doing my version of DB-ing. I don't think you can fake detachment, but from my experience, I have been able to fake being light/breezy/bright and content. It doesn't always work, and sometime the overwhelming crazy of the situation swamps me still, but just recently i think that faking it has helped me make it to real detachment. Not faking the detachment itself, but faking the attributes that have helped me stay in control to reach a state of true detachment - albeit over 2 years in Staying dark helped me to reach detachment, and faking it till i made it in terms of beign happy/bright/optimistic helped too.
I had previously thought i had reached true detachment - but due to the rather complete walk away nature of me XH, hadn't had exposure to him to know for sure. I can safely say i needed some very uncomfortable exposure to Xh to move to true detachment.
I could actually be around Xh now and be bright/breezy/friendly but not his friend - and would not need to fake it - it would just be who i am.
You sound amazing, thoughtful, perceptive and wise - you are not the problem - and you are much more masterful at boundaries than i have been. Go for it Hope
Staying dark helped me to reach detachment, and faking it till i made it in terms of beign happy/bright/optimistic helped too.
