The start of my happiness 4

[Tyler12]

At what point do I go from ignoring WW texts to telling her don't come to me with this. Again today she lets me know she got the car in to get repaired. I don't care! It's your car. Nothing to do with me. Why bother telling me

[broke]

Tyler,

I am sorry you are overwhelmed especially after having a fun weekend away. It is too bad that GAL feeling can't last a lot longer. Those pesky WAS's really make it difficult.

Have you ignored all of the WW's texts regarding the car? I am surprised she hasn't gotten the hint yet. Is it just the car she texts about or other trivial things as well?

[Tyler12]

Right now it's the car. It has been other things in the past. I did address the car issue because she kept bringing up that she didn't know what to do. So I asked if she wanted my advice on it or if she was just venting and she asked what my advice was. So I gave it to her. Then after i did and she explained things it sounded like she has it pretty much covered before I talked to her. So why bother asking my opinion?

[broke]

Maybe be its a temperature check? Obviously I am not a veteran but I think she just wants to make sure you are still there if she wants you.

[Thornton]

Agree with Broke.

[Tyler12]

Now again. D12 is in High land dance. She has exams this weekend and WW got the email of the schedule. I immediately emailed the instructor and asked again to only email me and D12 mother as W no longer shows interest in D12's dance. She apologized right away and removed W from list.

I then replied to W. Thank you. Receiving emails regarding D12 dance will no longer be an issue.

Should be a nice temp reading for her...

[Tyler12]

I don't know why I bother getting so confused And frustrated with WW. It really isn't worth my time and tends to ruin my day. On the bright side I had a good first day at work and I am tired. Haha. Also I got to skype with my older 2 kids and they are as happy and goofy as ever.

[Zues126]

Ty, I'm not an expert in boundaries, but I will try to give you my guidelines.

Your boundaries with WW should be very similar to what they would look like with a co-worker or neighbor. Professional and friendly if the exchange is polite and appropriate. Responsive and attentive if there is an emergency. Distant, cautious, or non-responsive if things are inappropriate, disrespectful, or manipulative.

I would also say that your boundaries should transcend your emotions and any desire to R. Your emotions will change. Your desire to R may change. Your boundaries should be steady. So don't try to 'show her your changes', 'win her back', or 'teach her a lesson'...all of those desires will come and go. Your boundaries are for you, and shouldn't flex based on where you are in your grieving process.

So if she mentioned the check engine light came on, the first time I might have waited a few hours, then sent back something like 'bummer. hope it's an easy fix.' Because if I got that text from a co-worker that's probably what I'd reply, all the while thinking it was odd. If they texted me again, well, then I'd have to firm up the boundary and either not reply, or reply with something slightly more indicative of the fact it wasn't my problem like 'I work with Jerry over at 5th street repair. He's always been good to me on stuff like this. Wish I could do more to help and hope it gets handled quickly.' If she replied again I wouldn't respond unless the topic changed.

I dunno. Just my initial thoughts.

[CWOL]

Ty, I think the truly Detached answer would be to just ignore the text, don't reply or write something snarky. Then you won't be as emotionally vested in the matter.

[Tyler12]

Th am you Zeus and Cwol. I spent a hour or more reading over the boundaries forums from Wonka. It's something I have to implement for my own sanity. I feel like I am varying degrees of detachment and hrieving hourly.

I feel good about my detachment until she contacts me or I see W. It isn't painful like it used to be but it still has an effect on me. Before the weekend I felt like I had moved to acceptance on the grieving path. Then after contact I found myself back at anger and bargaining to a lesser extent.

There are times where I reply snarky like Cwol said, when I do I think it comes from emotion and I often feel regret for how I responded. Is coming off like an a hole productive in DB though? Part of me believes it is counter productive, at the same time that feeling comes from a end goal of R. I need to accept that R is not a option anymore. And second why should I worry about how she views me? W view of me is what led to the sitch and A.

I think I need to focus a lot harder on what I want to do here. Reevaluate my goals and where I want to be in a week, month, year, 5 years...