Bath or shower, who the heck cares, he's 8! Just getting him to bathe regularly is a win!
Does your H see you as a lazy hippie? My ex once famously accused me of "walking too heavy", and worse yet, of teaching our daughter to walk too heavy! And yes, I checked - nobody else thought that I walked too heavy. Plus, let's face it - if I DID have an unusually plodding gait, and my daughter did too, wouldn't you think it was genetic??? Instead, my paranoid ex had it in his head that somehow I was teaching our daughter how to do this!
It IS interesting that your H says he doesn't want S to grow up like him. I like your idea of volunteering to attend parenting classes with him. Be careful that you don't get stuck just REacting against him, and being even more lenient with S than you normally would be because of it.....just use your good judgment.
My ex was the one that spoiled our youngest when he was growing up - then threw him under the bus when he had to leave college due to a very serious bout of depression. I'm sure he sees me as enabling for supporting this son, while actually I've just been trying to keep him alive through this.
