Beginning of the End

[TimR]

Thanks Pajo, I am!

Ok so some serious sitch reflection and after I journal and explain could use some feed back about what I do next.

So prior to last weekend, I had no contact with W the few days prior to the weekend weigh in. That day she hung out with MIL who hates me. Prior to that she was fine but then blew up on me for not taking S right to weigh in and right home without texting her. It was a big blow up and she threatened about keeping me from him then.

This weekend... I had no contact with W the few days prior to the weekend. She then asked about the schedule and we had a big blow up where she again threatened to keep S away from me.

At both times the next day at the tournament W was fine. Our other blow ups were after catching her(I initiated that) or after she spent time with MIL. However, the best times we have had have been at tournaments or when she contacts me just about nothing, just to text.

Just to be clear her lists of leaving me have included, controlling, manipulative, lack of affection, lack of personal validation, neglectful, lack of intimacy, lack of love (from me to her), and me holding myself over her. This weekend was a new one and that was lack of communication.

I have previously said that she made the comment this weekend, "so if I came back tonight you would not have my rings." While this was in the context of her saying she wanted her rings back, is there more to it? I cannot begin to speculate about that.

Here is what I am thinking because I am trying to take baby steps. W has triggers going off that I cannot seem to anticipate. I am thinking, I know she is ready to go off when she spends time with MIL, so I need to try and avoid contact after knowing she has been with MIL. My personal coach and I have also determined anything relationship wise should not be broached. But the other common thing is when we have gone without contact. I am considering sending occasional texts reaching out to her which are about nothing. "wow my day has been a nightmare, how is yours going?"

Today a friend told me that she made a comment last weekend to his wife about how great we are getting along. She has told me that before too. So I am wandering maybe I should try and reach out. It is noted that going dark can actually hurt if you were neglectful during the M, which I believe am was.


Anyone have any thoughts about this? I do not want to get stuck in the pursuer/distancer dance but think since times where I was completely dark ended in bad confrontation when we did finally speak, whether I should experiment with occasional trivial contact?