Letting go, finally

[JGuy]

Yes, there is an immature part of me that wants to indulge in the fantasy that this OW is my long lost soulmate.

Do you see the similarity to a wayward spouse?

Absolutely! I don't think that this part is any different from the situation my W was in at the onset of her affairs. In a way, I feel grateful for the opportunity to be put in similar circumstances, and to be given the chance to handle it with maturity. I have always said to my W that there's nothing wrong with feeling an attraction to an OP, it is all about how you handle it. I want to handle this well, with integrity, consistent with my values, so as to be a living example of what I need my partner to do return. So far, that has meant being 100% transparent with my W about the OW, my feelings, and everything that happens. It has meant being brutally honest with myself and acting consistently with what I know to be right.

I thought that building a platonic friendship with the OW would be possible up until she revealed her attraction to me three days ago. When that came out, I realized that indeed I am in the danger zone. I wish it didn't have to be so, but the right thing to do now is to distance myself from the OW. You folks are right.

The OW is a rebound. It is not fair to either of you to try and have this friendship while you are married. If this is a woman who would make friendships with a M man......and that's okay with you, then put it to a test. Ask her to wait. Ask her for no more contact as long as you are M, that you need to do what is right and that if you get divorced, then you will contact her to see if she is still interested. If she really wants to "respect" your W or your M, she will graciously step away. If she is the lady you think, or hope, she is.....and if she has true feelings for you, she will wait.

The OW and I already had a discussion in which we mutually agreed that it may be a good idea to stop. It wasn't conclusive though. At this point, I think I'll just stop contacting the OW. I will be certain to see her around, and if she contacts me or the opportunity somehow arises, I would like to say something along the lines of what you suggest, Sandi.