I do try to use some humour to lighten things up - it helps take the edge off of a lot of this stuff.
I tripped up a bit last night. We were at our friends for dinner last night and later we were all sitting on the couch watching the Oscar's and I took my wife's hand to hold it (I was nervous to do it but felt for some reason that it would be ok). She gave it a little squeeze I think to let me know she was ok with it. Then, when we got home and were lying in bed watching some TV and I did the same thing again (took her hand) but this time asked her if it was alright me holding her hand, she responded of course that she wouldn't hold my hand if she didn't want to. I simply said that I wasn't sure and we held hands while we settled for bed. We broke hands for her to check something on her phone and then she laid back down and reached for my hand to hold hands again. Was nice. I miss my wife and intimacy with her. Perhaps behind the wall she has put up she misses me as well but she is better at this game than me.
Not sure what I should be doing now. Perhaps I should pursue no further and leave things as they are. I did show her a little affection and that I care but I don't want to pursue if it's going to just put her in some position of power. Feel like it might. Sort of like her slip last week when she kissed me after she had a few drinks. She was back to her old self the next day. Part of me still hear's the "I'm not attracted you anymore" statement ringing in my ears and makes me feel that I should not be pursuing her. I'm torn - I think she would be ok with a little hand holding and kiss on the cheek sort of thing day to day - I just can't be the one to always initiate it. Ultimately I want to do whatever I need to do to get her to want/miss me. What do you folks think I should do?
She reads a lot of holistic healing and self help books and I think the message she is getting is similar to what is discussed here (focus on yourself) but with a more holistic feel to it. She went to a holistic healing thing with a bunch of woman this weekend for the day. She's getting right into this sort of thing although has always been interested in it. Seems she is gaining a lot of strength and motivation from all of this. I fear I'm not as strong. She has definitely detached from me and pulled away. We have another MC meeting this Thursday so will see what happens there. I expect this one might be rough as the past two where one on one and now we are meeting together for the MC to try and pull it all together. Prepare for the worst and hope for the best!
