Johanna, you're as frustrated as I was! Horrible, isn't it? Though in my case, he was not even a good provider financially...

I like your idea of talking to the ex.... not sure how practical it is, but I love the concept.

Here's another twist.... while I want someone HD (I could live with 3-5 times a week) I also want someone who will be faithful. Do y'all think that's an oxymoron? A HD man who will be monogomous???

I don't buy the stuff about men just not being wired that way. None of the men I know are old enough to have been sexually active in the cavemen days... just doesn't fly. But I do think that HD people (of both genders) have more trouble being faithful, especially when they are not getting enough loving. To me, it's a choice. If the relationship is good, I value it at a dollar. A quickie with a hottie outside the relationship is appealing.. but I won't trade a dime for a dollar.

That hour of pleasure, is not worth risking hurting someone you care about and losing a relationship that works. Now if the relationship isn't working... then it's value goes down. The hardest time for me to be faithful was when I had lots of dimes to choose from, and my marriage was worth about a penny.

So bottom line, is there a conflict in wanting a HD man, AND wanting him to be faithful to you?

Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time, and annoys the pig.