Feeling he's in MLC, but in D process

[ciluzen]

Looking back over yesterday's interaction with H, I realized how much my familiarity with him and my feelings for him really influence me.

I'm in the midst of being D by him and I'm listening to him talk about how he's so stressed about money, possibly not being able to pay taxes, being overworked...and I'm so sad and sorry for him. Then I realize, he has, in the past 8 years, decided to make some very big financial decisions without talking them over with me. We used to discuss all of our big decisions and go over the budgeting and details (I'm very detail oriented, he is "a big picture" guy). But as he pulled away from me and was more influenced by his EA/lady friend, those discussions stopped and his decisions became unilateral.

The purchase of our vacation home really set us back. He came to me with his mind made up, had already discussed it with friends (ladyfriend) who were ready to put money into it, and became angry when I said I wasn't sure it was a good idea. He had final say, though, so here we are. Much of his paycheck stretched to barely cover a home only used once in awhile, no savings due to us putting it down on the home, and an inability to put money away in savings or retirement. A few years back, he was forced to go out on his own to start his own business (unforseen at the time of the vacation home purchase), so a large cut in pay happened, as well. The vacation home was supposed to be an "investment". But when I pushed to have it put on the market, EA/ladyfriend had a fit and so it was taken off. Now he's worried about money because he's overworked and overtired and I'm feeling sorry for him.

He asked me to not spend any money for the next 6 weeks. I guess I need to be a little callous. I gave him an amount that I needed to pay our mortgage and bills that we decided was adequate. I haven't gone over it. I guess I need to just not worry so much about how he feels about a problem that he created. He fired me as a financial advisor. And now he wants me to feel bad for him. I do. But I'm not his problem...he is.