Well, Ladies, we have been lied to. When our wasbads took their marriage vows, they promised to love, honor and cherish us. They lied, pure and simple.
Marriage is a committment to work with your partner to create a good, full, happy life together. It was all fine and dandy as long as we were the ones doing all of the work to make the marriage sucessful. As soon as we discovered that some of our basic humand needs, I.E. intimacy and sex, were not going to be freely shared in these marriages, we redoubled our efforts to become more attractive to our spouse, being better wives and mothers, thinking that it must be our fault that thay did not desire us. That was conditional BS.
There was nothing wrong with us that a little loving would not take care of, but we had to beg, plead, cry, rationalize, make our minds do summersalts to figure out why our wasbands refused, that's right, refused to touch us.
It was them all along, for a variety of reasons, childhood trauma, guilt, an affair, hormonal problems, Passive Agressiveness, Sexual Dysfunction, who knows, because we never really will know. But I do know, and am beginning to accept, that I was not at fault. I have been a good, loyal, hardworking, caring loving wife to a man that could not ever appreciate all that has been given to him, unconditionally.
They refused to work with us, would not go to the doctor for checkups much less get tested for hormonal problems. Marriage Counselers, all that is is "psychobabble" and isn't going to make any difference to him. In essense, we married very selfish men.
They chose not to love us fully and with their whole being. Strings, stipulations, conditions were always attached and we were always the ones to be hurt. In their minds, because they brought home a paycheck, they loved us, cared for us, made a home for us. The home was an empty shell. It might be pretty, comfortable, but hollow on the inside, where it counted.
They would not honor us by being truthful about themselves before we got married. I know that I was very clear with my stbx how important intimacy and sex is to me. He listened and said little. I thought that he agreed and understood how I felt. Now I know that is typical of Passive Agressive people. They will not really listen or acknowledge what you are saying. It's all a mask.
They chose not to honor our marriage by being selfish with their bodies, knowing full well the pain that rejection brought to each of us. Nor did they care.
The only thing that mattered was appearrances, and everything always appearred normal to outsiders. People have been shocked when I told them we are divorcing. Then I tell them why and the pieces of the puzzle began to make sense.
It is a shame that we di not know before we married what we know now. But can we prevent this hell from happening to us again? All you can do is try, but I dunno. I know that I will try again, but I will be more cautious this time, and you bet your sweet bippy I will talk to the ex if there is one. I want her side of the story, too.
