Yes, there is an immature part of me that wants to indulge in the fantasy that this OW is my long lost soulmate.
Do you see the similarity to a wayward spouse?
When I stepped over the line, I had been in a sexless M for years and my feminine ego was starved for validation. I became absorbed in an online game that helped me pass the hours without dwelling on my pain. I met a man who made me laugh and we would play for hours every evening. I had no sexual attraction to him. Then he suddenly pulled away and I felt desperate to make the connection with him again. I had become addicted to this "strange friendship". Out of this desperation, I stepped over the line and I started flirting with other male players. Eventually, I met the one who would be my OM. The point I am making is that this all started from me not getting my emotional needs met.
I bought into the fantasy. That is what you are doing, JGuy. Yes, it is a shot of ego food, and I am sure you were starving for it. Whatever the reason, whenever one spouse seeks gratification from a member of the opposite sex outside the M, he/she will be setup for a fall where someone will be hurt. When you have been rejected by your mate and then find yourself drawn to another person....it is your fragile state that hungers for all the things you want to believe this other person can provide. You can call it a strange friendship or whatever. Truth is, you have entered into the danger zone.
The OW is a rebound. It is not fair to either of you to try and have this friendship while you are married. If this is a woman who would make friendships with a M man......and that's okay with you, then put it to a test. Ask her to wait. Ask her for no more contact as long as you are M, that you need to do what is right and that if you get divorced, then you will contact her to see if she is still interested. If she really wants to "respect" your W or your M, she will graciously step away. If she is the lady you think, or hope, she is.....and if she has true feelings for you, she will wait.
Bottom line is that you can't have both women. I learned that the fantasy world and reality will have a head on crash and there will be casualities.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
