A few hours passed and after taking in everything that was said, I sent her a text. I poured my heart out. Explained the hurt that has been inflicted. Explained my side of everything. How I've sat here patiently while she was living how she pleased. And also how I don't know how much more of this I can take or put myself through... Not my circus anymore. Not even gonna try to understand the monkeys.
Me 34, XF 27 Many years together Son 4 Engaged Not engaged Many false starts by XF 7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life 2/17 girlfriend moves in my home
Nothing to do with it. Just said she recieved it. Then called to S4 a few minutes later and I walked away.
Me 34, XF 27 Many years together Son 4 Engaged Not engaged Many false starts by XF 7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life 2/17 girlfriend moves in my home
It astounds me how WAS say and do such similar things. I got the "I need to work on myself" several times over the last 7 months. My H was also working on himself in another person's bed. In my case, I think my H is having a mlc and is very moody, confused and unhappy. Maybe she is having mlc, too. I sent texts where I poured my heart out and got no responses either. I am so very sorry - I was pulling for you and I hope she returns to having hope.
M 44 H 46 M 20yrs T 25 yrs S15 S12
ILYBINILWY 7/18/15 Move to MBR 9/8/15 Physical Separation 10/10/15 Suspect A 8/2015 Confirm A 12/27/15 D filed by H 2/2/16
Broke, that is why they call it script - sooooo very similar all across the globe, be it in Australia, _US, UK, or Europe, we get the same speech. It's eerie, and it seems to be an epidemy on the rise.
Up, I know you just wanted to have your position known by sending the texts, and you expected to shake her (to wake her up) to reason. Sadly it did not work, you are undoubtedly questioning yourself what more you could have done/writen to get trough to her. Nothing is the answer, she is clearly going trough her stuff and she will get trough when/if she gets trough. It's fcuking hard, but there is really nothing you can do for her. Detach and let her be...
I feel I was just trying to make myself heard vapo. I don't think it had anything to do with shaking her up because obviously that doesn't work. I feel like I have no voice, kept too much bottled up while trying to keep the path home as smooth as possible and just needed to get it out. I defiantly wish I would have done it either here or some other way of venting but in the moment it didn't happen that way...
Me 34, XF 27 Many years together Son 4 Engaged Not engaged Many false starts by XF 7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life 2/17 girlfriend moves in my home
Just here to process what is going through my mind this morning. Last week, XF broke contact with OM, quit her job, eliminated anybody who has anything to do with OM, went for std testing, talked about where she went wrong and finally owned her part of where we are. All that was her idea.
To me, that all looked like good showings of action in the right direction. Got my hopes up. I don't know how I couldn't when seeing all that action...
Me 34, XF 27 Many years together Son 4 Engaged Not engaged Many false starts by XF 7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life 2/17 girlfriend moves in my home
Hi Uphill, sorry you're having such a rollercoaster time of it. I think probably the best strategy is always to hold a portion of yourself back for a time. At least until you can see sustained change. You did see some action, it is true, but perhaps you moved a little more quickly, or looked a little too keen too soon.
IDK, but in any case, she has drawn back for now. That could change (and there are some positive signs). I can understand your hurt with the text, and you know already that wasn't a great idea.
For now, I would sit tight and allow yourself a little time to process what happened. If it happened again, what would you do differently? Also, I don't believe it is the end - unless you've had enough - perhaps it is just another bend in the road.
Take care and try to keep the emphasis on you and your S for now. XF can toss around in the wind for a little while.... Xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Thanks sotto, your words mean so much. They always do but today more than ever! Right now, I don't know anything. It's like BD say all over again. Seeing all the actions to back up what she was saying, then carpet out from under my feet again... I hope this is all just because she is confused, I really hope that's all it is. But I can help but wonder if it was all a sick mind game? Dangling a worm in front of my face just to get her kicks? I'm about to find a cave and just go off the grid with S4 forever.
Me 34, XF 27 Many years together Son 4 Engaged Not engaged Many false starts by XF 7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life 2/17 girlfriend moves in my home
I think your XF is hurting. She just ended her R with OM. She is experiencing her own BD right now.
So much has changed for her recently, she's bound to be wishy-washy.
I'm sure she has fears, like you, that getting back in the R, might be a repeat of the past. It's scary stuff. There's so much emotion wrapped up in all of this.
Sotto's advice is spot on. Just pull back a little and let her come to you. And if and when she does, play it very cool.
Validate her and listen. But don't get drawn into 2 hour deep conversations. That's too much right now. It's too heavy.
