Letting go, finally

[JGuy]

Hey guys, thanks for offering your point of view. It doesn't come across as criticism but it does come across like you are challenging me, and I'm not sure why because I am aligned with most of what you have said. Yes, there is an immature part of me that wants to indulge in the fantasy that this OW is my long lost soulmate. There is another mature part of me that is wise enough to know that is just a fantasy, and that although the OW may indeed be a person who presents a valuable learning opportunity, I am well aware that I am vulnerable to seeing things unclearly right now because the mature part of me is still developing. I have been working on myself and I am starting to notice progress, but I have a long way to go. I know that am in no shape to be dating at all. I am aware of these different parts of me and I don't think that personal growth is about getting rid of the immature part of me. It's about becoming aware of the immature part of me so that the mature part of me can take control.

It seems like when you read my post, you saw only the immature part of me coming through and not the mature part of me. I'm curious why that is? When I read your post this morning, I felt hurt by it, as it has the opposite effect from the validation that I was hoping for. I need to believe that despite having this immature part of me, there is also a mature part of me that is firmly in control and is growing stronger. I want validation from others who can see this too, so that I can gain confidence that I'm on the right track. I fail to see what's wrong with seeking support in the form of validation for this purpose. Am I missing something here?

I really wanted to be able to explore a friendship with the OW if there is any way possible to keep things safe and platonic. It is really cool how we have this unusual spiritual connection and it will be very sad if I have to cut her off entirely because I can't trust myself to prevent it from going in an unhealthy direction. I would like to think that if the mature part of me can stay in control, it may be quite possible to cultivate a friendship that doesn't pose a danger. Maybe you're right that I'm being unrealistic though. I'm definitely pondering this one carefully.

Rd, I do think you're reading into me inaccurately when it comes to your comments about my use of the word integrity. In my past relationships, I have made mistakes in similar situations and I remember those mistakes clearly. This time, I think I am doing a great job of choosing to listen to the mature part of me. That's what I mean by having integrity and it's a step forward for me compared to how I have handled things in the past. I don't see what's wrong with celebrating this small victory and sharing it here. What's wrong with seeking validation for that? If you just straight up don't believe me and you really think I'm lost, then so be it. I won't gain as much value from your advice, however, unless we can resolve this.