Feeling he's in MLC, but in D process

[ciluzen]

H came over today. We had agreed to work on prepping the house and property for sale together, so we worked outside.

It was strange at first. It seems like he has to warm up to me every time we get together. So we worked in almost silence with each other, then started talking a little, then more, then he asked me about a few things I'd been up to, then eye contact...then we were back to our normal flow. So strange. He doesn't seem quite sure how to behave around me. I guess I need to be more consistent with my light and cheerful demeanor so that he can relax?

When we went in, he asked if I was ready to show him how to do taxes, so I got us some beers and snacks and we worked together on them. This prompted a discussion of his worries about money and business. He looked so sad. I listened and really validated. I said, "that must really depress you." Then he really opened up about his worries and stresses. I walked over to give him a side arm hug and rub his back, but he kept talking and was very stiff...not accepting the hug. But a bit later, I offered a big hug as a thank you for working on the yard with me and he accepted it and hugged back.

I'm realizing how much energy he puts into putting on his "mask", smiling and making everyone think he's ok. I know I can't fix him, but I wish I could. All I can do is show him I care, and be here (or wherever I end up) for him when he needs me. He may not feel anything for me right now and I still have to move forward for me, but my door is definitely cracked open. I hope he realizes that.