7 1/2 hours of driving and I am at the hill. That was a long day.
Got a text for WW again today. Her cars check engine light came on again. Not sure why she feels the need to tell me.
Also. Shortly after Bday I fb messaged he best friend. Saying thanks to her because she told W to separate and give me a chance to change instead of D. I had totally forgot and she messaged me today. Said she hopes I'm still changing. I said I already have and continue to. That its for me because I can't agree with the choices Made about M. I understand my doing and moving on.
What she said back was pretty much live in the now. Sometimes things don't work out. Which is what I am doing. I didn't say anything else. There is no need. And as dismissive as her message was of R it really doesn't bother me.
I'm imterested to see if S3 calls again tonight. It's starting to feel like she is asking him if he wants to call me so she can talk. I dunno.
The person that you will spend the most time with in your life is yourself, so make yourself as interesting as possible.
I do not want to let someone hurt me like that again. Especially her. Would I give us another shot? Maybe, not in the near future as of right now. She said again and again we both need to find oursleves. Well now I am, I see that it is a long process, and I don't know if I want her part of it until I am happy with myself. By that time who knows.
Wow, Tyler, this was such great insight. When I asked my IC the other day why I would even consider wanted my H back after he cheated and lied and she said because you'd like for this to be over and to go back to the way it was. I said absolutely not. That marriage wasn't good enough for who I've become in the last 7 months. I'm not quite ready to say I'm not sure if I want my H to be part of it or not. Not yet. But I think you are truly detaching. In such a healthy way. I'm hoping to continue my journey and get there soon. Have a wonderful weekend! Enjoy every minute!
M 44 H 46 M 20yrs T 25 yrs S15 S12
ILYBINILWY 7/18/15 Move to MBR 9/8/15 Physical Separation 10/10/15 Suspect A 8/2015 Confirm A 12/27/15 D filed by H 2/2/16
I do wish I understood how to handle communication with WW better. Friday texted me that her check engine light on her car came on a texted me that her check engine light of her card again. I left it. Not my issue.
Today she again brought it up and after saying she didn't know what to do. I replied that im sorry for the issues. Are you asking for my advice? She said she is. So having a good understanding of the issue I explained what I would do.
I should have ended the convo there but continued to day-to-day things. And I feel like I am treating this like a friendship with it when that happens. I feel like I am moving into the acceptance stage of my grieving and I fully understand that there will be steps back into the previous stages. I'm looking for advice on whether I should be talking about anything with her other than children stuff or if it's at a Point where it doesn't matter because I don't see a M as an option anymore.
When it comes to her asking for my advice or help what do I say to tell her I'm sorry but fight somebody find your own wayto deal with the issue because it listed has to do with the kids it's not my place to help you
The person that you will spend the most time with in your life is yourself, so make yourself as interesting as possible.
W I understand you want my opinion on issues like the card however moving forward I believe it's best to limit our conversations shoes with the children or financial matters until this is all sorted. I know longer feel or see any need to assist with fixing or solving issues you bring to me as it's not my responsibility to take care of these things anymore. If ever urgency arrives about the boys I will be there. Less pressing issues with the boys I will help to get through the situation.
This is a draft of a text I am thinking of sending W. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Is it worth sending her this message? As I find it difficult to limit convos to the boys. I feel great about how my life is going until we have a "nice little chat" and then I feel I slide back.
Is this a boundary I should be expressing or setting by actions.
The person that you will spend the most time with in your life is yourself, so make yourself as interesting as possible.
Ok. So new issue to add to what I posted earlier. Before she left we had planned on alternating weeks with the boys once I was done school. Now today she is questioning that saying that the boys need stability and is concerned they will feel bounced back and forth.
I get that. I do, I feel like they are being taken away tho. And I expressed that concern. I want what is best for my kids. She understands apparently and said its something we can continue to discuss.
I asked if there is an underlying issue that she has with the boys coming here and she expressed some concerns that I I addressed and haven't heard a word since.
I have concerns too. Not sure how or if I should bring them up at this time. As they revolve around OM and his involvement in the boys lives. I feel like part of S3's attitude change is 1 she packed up and moved a month and 1/2 ago. He is understanding it now, 2. 1/2 of the time she has been gone they were living at his house while he was away at work and his mom was on vacation. 3. When OM is home from working away I assume he is with them all the time like a happy little family. How does she expect the boys to act? Their whole lives were turned upside down!
How do I express this without getting too angry, also I will be met with anger by all of that. I don't know what to do here.
The person that you will spend the most time with in your life is yourself, so make yourself as interesting as possible.
That is so difficult. The kids just take the brunt of all of this, don't they?! It just crushes me to watch my boys be hurt by this and I know you must feel awful, too.
So, our boys see a counselor. He recommended a week on, week off. He said that seems to work the best (he said often times there is one night during that week that the other parent has a dinner with them to break it up - say a Thursday). But, that is impossible for my H because he travels. So, then he recommended 3,4,4,3. That way the kids don't have to constantly be shuffled too much back and forth. He said that is less "bouncing back and forth". They should also have clothes at both homes, etc. My kids only have to take their school backpacks back and forth.
I am not sure what to tell you about the OM. That would make my blood boil and I commend you for trying to discuss it without anger. Maybe you can get a consultation for an hour or two with a family therapist or counselor? That just seems like a minefield of problems. I am so sorry you have to deal with that. You really are strong to be taking the high road to figure out what is in the best interests of your sons!
M 44 H 46 M 20yrs T 25 yrs S15 S12
ILYBINILWY 7/18/15 Move to MBR 9/8/15 Physical Separation 10/10/15 Suspect A 8/2015 Confirm A 12/27/15 D filed by H 2/2/16
I think I want to try the week on week off for a bit and see how it goes. It could be great for them. We now live 2-1/2 hours apart so switching every few days doesn't work.
I will talk to IC about how to handle the sitch. It's a issue that I can see what the response will be so I want to be prepared for it
The person that you will spend the most time with in your life is yourself, so make yourself as interesting as possible.
Oh, yes, living 2.5 hours apart, I think the only option is really the week on, week off. Good idea to talk to the counselor. I really do think you must be a great dad to care so much about handling it in the right way. Good luck - that is a really tough situation with the OM in the middle.
M 44 H 46 M 20yrs T 25 yrs S15 S12
ILYBINILWY 7/18/15 Move to MBR 9/8/15 Physical Separation 10/10/15 Suspect A 8/2015 Confirm A 12/27/15 D filed by H 2/2/16
Well. Back at work and it's ok. The work is fine, it's nice to throw yourself into something. The downside is my boss I feel seems to think I should have let go and moved on by now. Pretty much said to hell with W accept she's gone for good and focus on your career.
I explained o have a lot to do for myself and tho the job is important my own health is more so.
He was mad I went away this last weekend, to which I said I needed a day or 2 for myself. I never even told him I was going. I told a couple guys here and it got to him. Makes me angry at this area I live in more.
I have a good understanding of where I need to go, it's getting there that is tough, with work pressure now on because of economic downturn and the issues with W I explained in my posts yesterday I'm starting to feel a bit overwhelmed.
The person that you will spend the most time with in your life is yourself, so make yourself as interesting as possible.
