Introduction. I am the one to blame!

[trumpet]

Hoppy,

Continue to stay humble. Live every day knowing that kindness and hope always trump hate and futility.

My addiction, and stopping my addiction, has humbled me, and brought me closer to Jesus. I have my faith - it is what saved me. I'm not trying to convert you - just realize we are all here for a higher purpose. Those who are broken are best able to help others. You can see life through their eyes.

What kind of man do you wish to become? Write it down. You will never become that man by trying to mold the clay when it's cold and a block. It will take time to heat and work the clay. Lots of little changes, over time, and the clay will turn to a beautiful sculpture. It takes heat sometimes to mold the clay.

I'm not in a 12 step, but my addictions group borrows from AA and other addiction support groups. The biggest question I am asked every week - 'Do you want to get well?'

Last week was a 10. 121 days porn free. The first 6 weeks/45 days or so are the hardest. What about AA? Is it 1 month? 3 months? Just take every day at a time. I know now that I will struggle with the attraction to pornography for the rest of my life - but I can make the choice, and have every day for 121 days. Some really down days with the W divorcing me, and now I'm restarting the D after a stay, due to W still continuing the EA.

If you have a W who is telling you what you have told me, you have SO much hope. You need to understand nothing putting you closer to W right now will save the M - you showing how independent you can be, putting the alcoholism behind you, conquering the fears that brought you to the bottle - those things will put you in very high regard with her. All of the positives of YOU, very few of the negatives - that will be huge drawing power for your W back to you.

Until then, you'll struggle not having her there. However, you HAVE to control the addiction on your own. Stand with your own two feet underneath you, not needing anyone to lean on. Then, you can choose to be in a R with your W, and she can as well. She won't be used to help with the addiction - you'll have that licked on your own. Then you can focus on the R - giving of yourself, being selfless and humble, rather than selfish and needy.

It's taken me months to get where I'm at. One day at a time. Work out - sleep at very regular schedules. Also, find a hobby that doesn't have anything to do with alcohol. Volunteering at a food shelter? Helping at the hospital? Retirement home? Jumping out of a plane? Join a raquetball league? Learn how to ballroom dance? Karate? Judo? Painting classes?

Just a few things to put some 'mystique' into the NEW HOPPY.

Keep posting - a lot right now.

You will not be reprimanded here. We all bring issues to the table. You are very courageous to be here. Your humbleness will help others to help you. You are a man worth caring about, and a husband worth keeping. We are all broken - just some of us know we are, and some are in denial.

I'll be posting occasionally and watching.