Long time

[Nel]

Thanks, Job and Peace. I will keep a close eye on my financials, but we don't have any accounts or credit cards together anymore. He (and I) are in total control of our own finances and bills.

Butterc- Thanks for stopping by and for the big hug! I love hugs.

Update: Well, it has been quite the weekend.

The good: Friday night, H and I needed to be together for D17 for Parents Night for her sport. Of course, I was friendly, dressed to kill, smiling the whole time. When the ceremony was over, I started to walk away, but H called me back to talk. He asked to go into the hall so we could hear each other better. He started with a few financial things, and then he started just chatting about various things. We talked about inconsequential things for about 15-20 minutes. Often I would think the conversation was over, but he would bring something else up and keep talking. Finally (I remember that in DBing you are supposed to leave first), I said I needed to get back to my seat. I just touched his sleeve and said I'd see him later. Looking back on the conversation, I saw a little bit of his impatience coming through with me when he was trying to explain something and I wasn't getting it. That surprised me. But him actually calling me back to talk in the first place surprised me even more since I had given him the chance to "escape."

The bad: Whenever I have interactions like this with H, I have major meltdowns the next day. ..and I did. It just brings up so many emotions. I also found out yesterday through D25 that H bought some new furniture for his house. That sent me into a tailspin. He is making it his "home" without me. The realization that this D is most probably going to happen hit me so hard.

The good: I desperately needed to talk to someone last night after this realization, but my family is so done with H. They are angry with what he has done. So far, my SIL (my brother's wife) has been more open-minded. I called her. We talked for an hour (with me mostly sobbing). We talked about the new furniture and she pointed out that its like H has just graduated from college and is setting up his own place. He's never had a chance to do that before (we got married right after we got out of college). I always paid the bills (he didn't want to), and all money has always been joint and spent on the family. He's never had total control of his money before. This made total sense to me. She also helped me come up with three things to look forward to this week to help get me out of the tailspin. AND she got me thinking about POSSIBILITIES for my future (if H never comes to his senses). With D17 graduating, I am not tied down. I can retire from my current job and change careers! Do something NEW and DIFFERENT! This excites me although these are going to be HUGE changes and will take some deliberation and thought. I need to be sure that I can do it financially. That's what scares me the most. But as my SIL said, explore all POSSIBILITIES because you can! I like that. I have no control over what H is doing or thinking, but I can control what I do.

Nel