Now, the real work begins..Part II

[broke]

Tyler,

It was a great day golfing on 2/28 in the Midwest! I am not very good (yet!) but the sun and company was outstanding. And, both of my sons enjoy golfing, so I look forward to doing it with them. I hope you enjoyed your weekend of wakeboarding, too!

It is really hard to believe that with all the mistakes I made doing the opposite of db'ing in the beginning, H moving out, having an A, filing for D, buying a house and telling the boys that we are proceeding with the D that there is any hope really at this point. The funny part is I would love to be able to give up hope because I am so tired of hanging on to hope. But, I am just not ready to give up....7 months of this (not trying) for a 25-year relationship and a family just doesn't seem right. So, I agree with you, I am living my life and trying to let go at the same time. It seems to be my only option until I can move toward acceptance that my M really is over.

Unfortunately, I was planning on being out of the house when H picked up the kids this afternoon, but the kids asked him to pick them up later. I was in the bathroom getting ready to go out to dinner when he arrived, so he let himself in (this is unusual but the boys were not ready because I wasn't there to push them to get out the door). I had to bring the dog downstairs for him to take to his house and we made small talk about golfing in the wind and the boys. Again, this feels like him trying to build a friendship, which I am trying to avoid! So, I was civil to him then went back upstairs to get S15 to get them out of the house and stop the chatting. Again, because I don't want to be FRIENDS. So hard to walk this line. I am a little frustrated with myself that I didn't stick to my boundary as well as I could have. I am really going to have to get better about not being his "friend". Only good part is that I looked great and he knows I was headed out for the evening.