Introduction. I am the one to blame!

[Vanilla]

My WH is a compulsive gambler, alcoholic, smoker and abuser and as yet has not wanted to change. I attend Gamanon even though at this point I want D.

Firstly, 30 days sober is a terrific achievement for you.

Secondly addiction is a life long journey one day at a time.

Finally, if you truly work the 12 steps then you will achieve Serenity.

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Acceptance means knowing that you can not do this journey alone. There are others here who have had addictions and are in recovery.

You will build your support structure here and can be as valued a contributor as any other poster.

Realise that you too are a target of your addiction and that one of those to whom you can atone (step 9) is yourself.

The most important thing right now for you is sobriety and healing. This means taking extreme care of yourself. Extreme nutrition, sleep and spirituality. That connection with your higher power is absolutely vital to you.

I would encourage you to think about your self talk about your addictions.

With regard to your W it is likely she was codependent, in being codependent she is responsible for who she is. She has her own journey to healing which is her concern not yours.

I do not consider myself to be a victim in any way with my WH. In 12 steps each of us learns we are responsible for ourselves.

The 12 step way will help you become the man you would like to become for your family. You are not alone in reaching for healing on this board with addictions.

Addiction particularly alcohol is very damaging to your body and brain and whilst the detox will be short, it will take at least 6 to 9 months for your physiology to calm and longer if you do not take extreme care of you. This is not an easy path to walk.

Come here wanting to DB for you and that is the best reason, be prepared to share your journey with the wonderful folks here and be prepared to listen and learn. You will have much to offer others as you walk your road.

It is for your higher power to judge you and give you absolution, and for you to seek that. Ask and you shall be forgiven. Work the 12 steps and peace will come.

At this stage you come first in recovery everything else stems from that without it then decline is likely. It will not help you to think of your family as 'victims', think of them as survivors and if you recover thrivers. You can be the leader for your family in your recovery.

My prayers are with you

V