Too Much Time Is Passing By

[HopeRB]

Starting a new thread.

Overall feeling like my H has forgotten about me and and our marriage and that so much time has gone by with little progress that maybe it's just too late.

I've gone a deeper shade of dark since he doesn't seem to be responding to anything else. And because we have such little contact, he doesn't know that I've grown and changed so much.

I've heard he's seems content with his new life and doesn't really talk about me or our sitch. I'm staying focused on DBing and my goals but it's hard with such little contact.

[Thornton]

Let me tell you about what I learned the last time this happened to me.

As you know, W left me about 18 months ago and I was able to DB and get her back.

When she left, she posted tons of stuff on FB. Happy and out and about. She even posted a video of herself dancing to the song "Happy" by pharrel.

This was all a week after she left me. She was at baseball games, coffee shops, out with friends, joined a running group and surrounded by men.

She was done and over me. I was convinced.

When we got back together, we talked about our separation. She told me she cried on her way to work. Would call all her friends and sob. And she would cry on her way home from work. She would cry to her mom. She started to miss me - I was pitch black NC.

She said she started missing our friendship and just being able to share things about her day with me. She started to wonder if I was done. She even asked her mom if she thought I WOULD TAKE HER BACK!!!

Fact is, I was convinced she had forgotten me. I felt it in my heart and in my soul. I was wrong.

You have absolutely no idea what your H is thinking. But I do know this, if he EVER felt anything for you, he hasn't forgotten you.

It takes time for these WAS's to figure their stuff out. They need to realize that we weren't the sole reason for their unhappiness. Now that we aren't around, who do they point the finger at?

Give him lots and lots of time to come these realizations organically, without any assistance from you. THAT'S when he might have an epiphany and look at the destruction he caused.

I know it hurts, Hope. I'm right there with you. Trust the process. And while you are trusting the process, keep working on you as best you can.

We're gonna get you nice and polished up so when H does look back over his shoulder, he would be an absolute fool to leave for good.

[broke]

(Not to hijack your thread, HopeRB),

Thornton - I wanted to respond to Hope and be encouraging, but I couldn't have said anything better. Thank you for always being so positive and sharing your experiences. I am going to use what you posted to help me today, too!

Hope - I also want this to help you today. I often feel exactly the same way that you do - that they have forgotten about us. We can't mind read, we have to focus on ourselves. It is a beautiful day today here and I hope it is by you, too. Get out and GAL. I am going golfing in crazy wind, but with 3 lovely ladies. I am hoping to forget about my sitch for a little while. I sincerely hope you can find something fun and do the same....thinking of you!

[HopeRB]

Thank you both so much for providing support and encouragement throughout all of this. I read and re-read your story and words Thornton, and it just made me smile knowing that everyone here knows exactly how I am feeling, what's going on in my head and where I'm coming from.

It's a beautiful day here also and I'm trying to figure out what I can do to give my mind some rest today without spending any money (very hard to do in my part of the country). I have family around and they love me and support me in everything but as I've mentioned before, I've never found much comfort in them, especially these days.

[Thornton]

You're doing better than you think, Hope.

It's beautiful outside here too. I just returned from the gym and allowed myself to feel angry and really push those weights around. Felt awesome.

I welcome the anger because it gives me a break from the horrible anxiety and depression.

You should go for a walk outside. Play some music on your phone and enjoy the sunshine. Get your blood pumping.

[1313]

Thornton, thanks for that glimmer of hope. I too feel like Hope, time is passing and the separation is feeling greater and greater. Unfortunately, here in CA, the divorce process is meant to take almost no time at all, and the first court date is coming right up.

At times I feel almost more depressed than when this all started, perhaps because I see the end approaching and can't stop it.

In Hope's case it sounds like there's the potential of saving things as long as there's not a timeline with L's involved with the process.

[Thornton]

Not even a divorce can stop reconciliation. People get re-married to each other all the time.

[Vanilla]

I am going to tell you about H2. I don't talk about him much here. H2 was a complete gentleman and rather old fashioned, our M just died and by mutual agreement we D.

It was a co-operative D, and without too much drama, a long M and an equitable agreed split of assets.

We went our separate ways wishing each other the very best.

I didn't want friendship, I just moved on with my life.

After 2 years H2 started to turn up wherever I was, he didn't speak to me and frankly I was not interested. He tried to buy the house opposite. H2 had decided he would like his M back.

I was not interested and said so for a number of reasons. After that I didn't see H2 for many years. Then I got a message from him through a friend that he had wished he had worked on his M with V. It was the biggest regret of his life.

It happens all the time. In many circumstances NC is the best strategy especially if there is an A or an MLC. It is the only strategy in an abuse sitch in my view.

Probably if an M has had limited contact and neglect then NC is not a good choice, it is more of the same. More of the same isn't a180.

Time is the way through the maze, the wayward has to learn it is their own responsibility for their sitch. That likely takes a failed A and facing their demons.

If they don't do you really want more of the same old or would you prefer a new R with WH or someone else?

Pursuing won't get you there whatever.

V

[Imlucky]

Hope
I'm chiming in that I have those same thoughts going through my head

I've been no contact for 3 months I've stopped pursuing and chasing and focused on my growth and learning. I know my worth I'm human with flaws but I'm kind generous and loyal
I'm standing for my marriage and I'm willing to work through things I'm not going to go back to the old I want a new improved marriage. It may not happen and I'm hoping one day I'll wake up and stop thinking about her and us and just be ok with it
Reading these threads make me feel less alone and part of a community that shares and I can see success may just be coming out I this wiser and smarter and accepting of of myself

[HopeRB]

Thank you guys for the encouragement and knowing that we are all not alone. I was so amped up after church that I came home, put on some music and danced around. That got me pumped to go the gym and that's when H decided to text and ask if I'm home so he can come by. I told him I'm at the gym but I'll let him know when I get back.

So now, just praying I keep together. I will. Wish me luck.