WW, My Addiction, Patience, and Hope - III

[25yearsmlc]

Thanks, Zeus. Prayers are helping.

I'm glad they help (& I'm sending you some as well).

What is good in your situation, is how you don't solely focus on OM, b/c you seem to own your stuff and your role in the situation. Honestly, most people focus only on the OP as if everything was "great, UNTIL OP showed up" and that prevents real change from happening. It detracts from a path of growth and change.

You're more honest and brave about this. I really commend you for that.

As long as you continue to address the issues you have and want, (e.g., the porn issues and whatever else you think is valid)

it means you are reducing the chance of this happening again, in any relationship. In the end, that's all we can do; i.e., reduce the chance of our hurting a loved one AND OR having them leave us or hurt us b/c of it.


There has never been a guarantee in any relationship, which is sometimes very hard to accept.

I can see how hard it would be with the kids believing one thing, and you knowing another. But as for what your kids will ultimately believe about you and or what your W will learn from all this, every single "lesson" I can imagine anyone learning, takes TIME.
And it's not your job to teach this lesson.

Only in time, can you kids see that you are a good catch, and only in TIME will your wife learn what OM and or you, are made of. And only with the benefit of TIME will she ever ask herself if all this was necessary.

Remember that if you continued in your prior behaviors, she would have consoled herself with the thought that You "never changed" and thus, she was "right to be with OM", etc

Give yourself some time. Get on track with your program and Maybe do it in 90 day increments of GAL and detaching and get through this.


Then reassess options. Continue to make porn a past behavior.

But EXPECT her to raise it as an issue. Your factual statement that you "have addressed this", will steal the thunder she thinks she has, the power she thinks she has over you.

Once that balloon is deflated, along with whatever else her claims are, which are also being addressed, what's left? Here's the "math" of it.

"consistent change + sufficient time = change she/they can believe in".

The calmer you remain, the more in control you are and the stronger you project yourself as. This^^ is never easy - but it's also not complicated.

Clarify your short term goals, knowing that long term goals are also served, and focus on GAL and Time...

(I can't see how anyone can detach without GAL, btw)...

Stay on your path. We are all rooting for you.