What the heck is this?

[2Times2Many]

Thanks, HaWho. I sometimes think h is nice and comfy and then I re-read some of the material on here, particularly the posts made by former MLCers, and I realize it may look like he's nice and comfy on the outside, but inside he's a mess.

By the way, I've been following your threads and I have to congratulate you on your perseverance in your sitch. I don't know that I could deal with what your dealing with day in and day out.

After sleeping on it and asking the question, will this get me closer to my goal, I've decided it's best to stay the course and not rock the boat anymore than I already have recently. I'll continue to answer the phone in my perky, friendly way. Our conversations are getting shorter and shorter anyway. BIL is handling the day to day operations and he usually passes things on to h. So, other than telling h everything is running smoothly, we really don't have much to say anymore. We've grown so far apart and he goes to great lengths to keep me "dim" about what he does over there. I, on the other hand, don't tell him too much about what I'm up to ... mysterious me. That doesn't leave a lot to talk about, does it?

I was already a little perturbed that h was going to stay gone for 3 months. That's the longest span thus far. Then the apparent length of the new lease just piled more on top of that.

I think I understand what is going on though.

H has two younger half siblings through his Mom. He's always expressed resentment and anger over feelings that his parents, his Dad in particular, treated him differently than his siblings. He left home at 18 and says he couldn't stand to live in their house anymore. I have to admit that I've seen some of this myself over the past 20 years, particularly when it comes to his sister.

Packing up h's belongings and asking him not to stay here when he comes to town was one of the hardest things I've ever done. I knew he'd end up staying at his parents house and that it would be very uncomfortable for him. (He could stay at a hotel, but won't spend the money for that.) But I had a choice of taking care of my own mental and emotional health or making h's life comfortable. I chose my health.

So, I suppose the long absence and the new lengthy lease has a lot more to do with avoiding his parents than with avoiding me.

I've thought a lot about the trigger that sent h over the edge and I've come to the conclusion that is was moving back to this city. When we decided to move, h chose here to be closer to his parents since they were getting on in age. But I think that the frequent interaction with them brought back the childhood resentment that he has never resolved or forgiven.

It really stinks that I am the one paying the biggest price for that.