Now what/ Take 2

[melweb]

Thanks Cherry. Not sure if I am more angry, or hurt.

I am pretty sure he just "broke up with me" via text. He is away on biz trip and I tried to Facetime last night and again this morning. No answer. Finally just now, he texted " how things, hows boys?" I answered short and sweet. He asks why I Facetime but not text? . I say if you cant answer Facetime, then you can't answer text. He says "you sense something don't you?" I say yes. He says "i tried." I say we knew it was a work in progress and we had made such good progress. He says "I know Melweb." He cant call cuz he is at dinner but will call me tomorrow.

I cannot believe he is doing this .(well, I guess I can) Why all posturing? Why tell EVERYONE we were getting back together? He already had his out.

I truly believe he is in MLC. I don't even know what to say to him. Two weeks ago we were "on our way to love and happiness." I got babe, sweetheart and I love you's. We really were making good progress.

Any idea what to say to him? Bring up the last few months? Just listen and validate? This really s-u-c-k-s!!

[TxHubby]

Thanks Cherry. Not sure if I am more angry, or hurt.

I am pretty sure he just "broke up with me" via text. He is away on biz trip and I tried to Facetime last night and again this morning. No answer. Finally just now, he texted " how things, hows boys?" I answered short and sweet. He asks why I Facetime but not text? . I say if you cant answer Facetime, then you can't answer text. He says "you sense something don't you?" I say yes. He says "i tried." I say we knew it was a work in progress and we had made such good progress. He says "I know Melweb." He cant call cuz he is at dinner but will call me tomorrow.

I cannot believe he is doing this .(well, I guess I can) Why all posturing? Why tell EVERYONE we were getting back together? He already had his out.

I truly believe he is in MLC. I don't even know what to say to him. Two weeks ago we were "on our way to love and happiness." I got babe, sweetheart and I love you's. We really were making good progress.

Any idea what to say to him? Bring up the last few months? Just listen and validate? This really s-u-c-k-s!!

You've learned so much about how to detach, and move on with your life for your own health. You need to put that in place now. You're not even half way done with your life. Things will get better. If this is over then you can hold your head up knowing you tried your best and it just wasn't to be. You're a really nice and quality person and you will love again. Sometimes the fog of MLC/A's is too strong for them to come to their senses.

Don't cry. Don't beg. Don't even bother getting angry at this point. Detach. Do some GAL. I know you had dreams you put on hold or forgot when you got married. What are they? Want to go back to school? Do it. Want to travel? Do it. You are the master of your own life at this point.

I wish you well and hope you find true happiness.

[Zephyr]

Quick question: When/"IF!!" H reaches out to me, do I act as if all is well. He does not know that I know of The Case of the Missing Condoms and Cialis.

How you mave forward is up to you.
No matter what you do, you should be trying to decide what toyour boundaries are.

What is mel willing to live with in her life. What behaviors are you no longer willing to allow people to do in your sphere.

The second thing is what your response will be. What are you going to decide to do if a person continues to try to hurt you.

We HAVE to be willing to lose the marriage, friendship and companionship otherwise we will continue to allow the deteriorating respect for you and it will cauae your own respect for yourself to be lost.

I beleve the scorched earth approach does not leave the path home clear. I truly believe that.

Also i believe we cannot just ignore those feeling we have. We respond for a reason. Yes it is good not to show them to your spouse, but you simply cannot ignore or supress them. That is not healthy snd will crewte bigger problems later...i think a lot of us here did that for way to long and created problems with trust and resentment...but that is a topic for another day.

[melweb]

Thanks Tx--I needed to hear that. On 4 hours of sleep, I am not of sound mind or body.

Zep--I do not want to let this affair happen right under my nose, but I do not want to kick him out either. I feel reconciliation has a better chance if he stays. Yet, I also know that is not my choice to make. And maybe by leaving he can miss me, feel the consequences of his actions and pull his head out of his a$$.

I am not a 'scorch the earth' type of person. I believe that is what has gotten me this far and resulted in reconciliation #1. H would sometimes accuse me of being in denial. I was just DBing.

What I AM though is very patient. I believe this A does not have a snowballs chance in he11 of surviving. 1) OWs live 3 1/2 hours away. I say OWs because I am not quite clear which one it is. Choice 1 is married with 3 kids. Choice 2 is D with three little kids, and I know that is not what he wants in his life right now.

[melweb]

fyi..I started a thread in MLC

[Zephyr]

Soooo.....boundary.....

You do not get a choicw in wheter your husband has an affair. You do get a choice of whether that behavior will be tolersted by you. So what is tour response.

I will not be friends with anyone who is willing to lie to me.

I will not engage in any physical relationship with anyone who is willing to bwtray our solidarity.

I will not x while domeone does y...it is to protect youraelf from harm.

Bounce some here and you can work through this. Just remeber, whike he is involved with someone else, you cannot work on your marriafe. You cannot force hime to do anything, like break up with a girlfriend...You CAN work on you and really start to move forward in your life....does that make sense?

[melweb]

It absolutely makes sense.

I had really gotten to a good place where I felt it would be his loss if he walks. That I did not 'need' him, but 'wanted' him. That really helped me DB. While I still think and feel those things, and I knew the reconciliation was not going to be easy, I guess I was not really prepared for this A and us going completely off track.

[melweb]

So instead of a phone call today, I got an email (not surprised)

Basically stating that he tried , but no longer has the need or passion to give me what I need. Doesn't want to hurt me, he has too much love for me. While it might have been buried for me, it is gone for him. After seeing my level of commitment and desire for making this M work, it is killing him.

I am not sure how or if I should even respond to that garbage.
_________________________

And I have two threads going. I did not really mean to do that, but wanted an MLC perspective.

[Cherry]

I'll check out your other thread too, but does seem like a MLC. I don't think he really knows what he wants.
He has said he has love for you but seems to have some desire to be younger.

Unfortunately, as much as we would love to, there's no way we can get any sense in to them. I guess all you can do right now is set some boundaries and get back on focusing on you