WW, My Addiction, Patience, and Hope - III

[trumpet]

If he was just a friend she wouldn't have gone bat sh*t crazy when you grabbed her phone. Every one of her dirty little secrets are all documented in that phone. Brother, she's lost in the fog. You need to detach from her pronto and I mean really detach. She's spiraling toward self-destruction. Don't go along for that ride.

TxHubby,

She told our pastor that she is waiting for me to 'snap'... what I think she means is that she knows I know that what she's doing is wrong, and she wants me to go ape on her for it - to punish her. But I don't, so she's waiting for the shoe to fall, or really, the bowling ball off the top shelf.

I haven't gotten angry or upset - but I did force the issue with the phone again, and she acted bat-s&%t crazy.

I have made a commitment to stay away from her. I have started the divorce process again - we had a temp hold to reconcile, but there was no reconciling. I do think the EA will have to run it's course, and turn into a PA.

Here is what I'm going to do:
Back to the gym more often, now that I'm settled into the new job. Lose another 30 lbs, minimum.
Avoid wife at all costs, and minimal texting - essential kid stuff.
Force myself to try not to snoop - does no good, and I really need to start coming up with 'what if W says/does/presents xyz in court'. Need to have a good defense for any objections brought up.

3/15/16 will be here very soon - that's the day we're in family court, where the judge listens to both sides, and we present the case for removing my wife from the house. I'm hopeful that I win, and my wife can find a place. Excited to see what comes of the divorce. Maybe she'll turn around, but right now, it's way more likely that the Titanic hit the iceberg, and I need to find a lifejacket and boat. I need to prepare for that - I will be a single dad of 3 in 6 months. Time to man up, be ready for the added responsibility, and make the next 6 months a hard-core effort to put the best of me out there, so I'm ready for the next challenge. The Lord puts everyone through the fire for a reason - to refine them, and to make a better person on the other side. I see that in the progress I've made so far.

120 days. Porn free. Never, ever thought I'd see that day. It's unbelievable, really. And it makes me happy. Still have struggles, ladies and gents - the urge to have sex is still there, and I hope it's always there. I need to find the right person to share myself with... my wife has decided that other men are more suitable than me. I'm working on being just fine with that statement.