I am terribly sorry for your children. Many of us on this board are dealing with walkaway spouses who have emotionally and financially neglected their biological children and here you are fighting to be able to stay in these kids lives.
I imagine that your wife knows that this is a power she has and will certainly exploit it based on her mood and based on what is convenient for her. I am certain that on a Saturday night she has plans, she would love to have you available to stay with the kids.
I am not sure the best way to handle this. Do you take out your legal muscles or try to work with her? Very similar to the car insurance issue. Yes you are right and might be able to win the battle but will it win you a peaceful coexistence? I don't have the answer. I am struggling with this as well.
I am not a walkaway wife and I have never been unfaithful, but I share your wife's rage. In fact some of the things she has said to you, I long to say (scream ) at my husband and I do think it in my mind. When my husband acts happy, I am furious. Why? Because i feel like he is living in denial and playing games. When I pour my heart out to him and he responds with a "I hear you and understand" . Or an "I'm sorry as well" I feel like he is being condescending. Because that is all he says until I question more and then he completely negates what I have said. It is not authentic and he truly does not understand or empathize with my point.
I am mad at him for not wanting to see the kids more, but if he was trying to take them more I would be furious as well. Him walking away from us has hurt me so much I will always find fault. ( as the LBS I just know not to voice it to him)
My guess is that Somehow, you have hurt her greatly and that communication has always been a major issue. I agree with others that she does need to justify what she did. It is easier for her to be angry at you, but I am sure there are moments of remorse and compassion and love. I think she can only feel those when you are not in fighting mode.
I think for now if it does not hurt you legally, I would take off the fighting gloves and when she wants to talk just listen to her. Like you would a client. You Are right to end the conversation if you sense a bad tone.
Why do you think she might be so hurt by you?
Lim is a newbie on here that like you, is in early stages of situation. He seems to be Able to set strong boundaries with wife but in a respectful way. I think it would be a good thread to catch up on.
