I hope that one day your wife comes to terms with how much she is hurting such a wonderful man. I wish she knew about your sacrifices and pain and guilt. I wish she understood forgiveness better.
Are you able to forgive yourself now?
I relate to you, because I am coming to realize that husband has crossed many of my boundaries. ( Neglects kids, stonewalls, is unreasonable, would not contribute to child support, hoarded and hid money, left us for my parents to take care of ) I ask myself what is keeping me here? It is because I feel guilty because of what I did to contribute to marital demise... But do you think your actions warranted wife's current actions? I am asking myself that too.
You seem to be very self aware and I sense that you know that once you cross a line, (even in the smallest way) you might not be able to remain capable of committing to marriage reconciliation. You recognize your own vulnerabilities. Not many people are capable of that and it's ok. All of our vulnerabilities differ.
When I go out with groups of friends, I have been given feedback that men find me standoffish and high maintenance and they are shocked that I am the single one in the group. I am actually pretty down to earth, but I guess I have that subconsious wall up to preserve my marriage. So I get where your coming from.
We all have a different time line.
It is so crazy. I seem to read about a lot of experiences in which the WS does not fully appreciate their spouse until they are gone or until there is competition. This bothers me tremendously, because it makes me question the character of WS even more...that they need that in order to want us back.
I'm sorry. I did a lot of disorganized rambling. But thank you for your honesty. I think it gives us all something to reflect upon.
