Wife has filed for divorce

[excile101]

Hi trumpet

I was so caught up in what I doing that I completely lost sight that I was supposed to show my wife affection. I couldn't see through the fog of what I was doing. She would cry alone at night and I was too proud to comfort her and ignored her instead. I do not look at porn anymore. All this has been like a cold shower and I cannot be a slave to that s**t any longer.

Tonight she looked at me with tears in her eyes and said that she thought we would grow old together. I replied that it was her choice, to which she nodded resolutely. I then said that I am here if she ever changes her mind. we hugged but it felt like another knife through me.

She hasn't forgiven me and I don't know if she can. I don't want to loose her but am at the stage where the divorce is steam rolling now and there is nothing I can do. I am moving out soon as to give her space. She would only end up hating me or moving out herself if I don't. I have a new job to start soon which will require my full attention and take me away from the family for long hours.

I try and let go of her and then she says something with tenderness and I fall back in and break down. This is so hard and I will GAL and keep my distance but we have young kids so I will have to see her and discuss child related stuff.

Like you said, it's logical to want to work on our marriage and not throw it all away but how can her hardened heart be softened with just time?

I pray every night but feel abandoned. I don't understand. I don't know how she could ever change her mind when she is so sure that she is doing the right thing. She sees divorce as the only way!

There are no other men. She is not interested and is too damaged now to care.

I will change big time in every positive way I can. I have been immature and careless but will she notice and can it really change her heart? I'm along way off from the man I want to be but worry that I may never recover or forgive myself for what I have done to her.