WW, My Addiction, Patience, and Hope - III

[trumpet]

Letting go of her is not a guarantee she will turn around, but I think you have to protect your own emotional health at this time. If you truly let go, Trumpet, she will know it. You won't have to tell her or try and show her........she'll just know. Knowing that her H is "done" could go one of two ways. She may temporarily feel a sense of freedom, or feel you are calling "enough", which could shake some of the fog and she could even be attracted back. It happens all the time with women. So, I hope you can continue to feel detached and moving forward for yourself. If she does act as if she is suddenly wanting to see if you are still attached to her........play it very cool, b/c it will be tempt checking.

Once you let go, it may throw her more off balance and she may start grabbing at you for stability (support), IDK. If she was earnestly working to withdraw from the OM, then I would tell you to give all kinds of support, however, she was never fully on board (reluctant to transparency), and now is contacting OM and furious at you. In her rebellious mode, she is willfully removing herself from your umbrella of protection and provision.

Continue focusing on your new job. It seems to be helping keep you busy. She and OM may have another short breakup, or not. Basically, she has to see for herself without you trying to persuade or convince her decision. As you may know, I am a firm believer that the H of a WW should turn loose and let her alone to learn for herself. Once H let's go, then her attempts at blaming and resisting him for everything, gets more & more shallow........thus forcing some of the fog to lift and helping her see reality a bit more clearly. Obviously, every situation is a little different, and the spread of time varies.

Lots to report, folks.

After Sunday, things went downhill. Mon/Tues were no conversations, but I did find that she had talked with OM. On Wednesday, while getting ready for work, I grabbed a shirt out of the master bedroom closet/bathroom, and did ask if she was still texting/talking with OM. No reply. This was the third time I had asked in about a week, and everytime I was stonewalled.

I then did something stupid. She left her phone on the counter, I grabbed it, and she went into a crazy fit trying to get the phone from me. I sat on the toilet, while she frantically scratched for the phone, ripping my shirt, and putting marks on my neck. I repeated about 3 times, in a calm voice during the scuffle 'W, you have a problem, and you need to get help'. I finally relented, gave her the phone, and realized out D7 watched it, and was crying hysterically.

I then retreated to the other bathroom, and called my brother, a cop. He told me to leave the house immediately. As I called, she forced open the door, and put her foot into the door to come at me, screaming that she hates me, and lots of other 4 letter words. Completely out of control.

She left with D7 to the schoolbus; I got showered and changed, and headed to my counseling session. We talked about what happened, and next steps. I called my brother and another friend. Also, my W had contacted our pastor and made mention that I had choked her and hit the dog, both of which I didn't do. I let him know what happened, and that she was now fully into the EA.

I made the decision to report the scuffle to police. No arrests were made, but one or both of us could have been, per the officer.

I called my attorney, re-started the divorce, and filed a motion to remove her from the house, based on her outburst on Wed. She received the motion on Friday. I told 2/3 kids last night, and they are in denial.

I have tried to stay away from my W as much as possible. Today, she is with the kids at a chili feed with friends from college. Unfortunately, many, if not most of them are in my wife's camp, telling her that she deserves to be happy, and to F&*$ me, and take me for what I'm worth. That I was never good enough for my W, and she deserves better.

Both my older kids believe my wife, as she has told them repeatedly that OM is 'just a friend'. She almost has our pastor convinced now as well.

It really feels like the world is closing in around me. My kids don't even believe me anymore! I do have my inner circle who believe something is seriously wrong with my wife, and really don't see any hope of R.

We have a court date of 3/15 to decide if my W gets the boot from the house. Until then, I will tread lightly, and move on with my life. I know, at this very moment, that my W is telling my college friends just how aweful I am, how I have forced her into a D, and how much better she will be without me.

She has blocked me and my family on Facebook. She is telling those who will listen that the cops were called, and she's the victim in all of this.

Very difficult stuff to take. I feel very alone right now. I hear Zeus whispering in my ear about beliefs being stronger than feelings. I know he's right, and my Savior tells me the same thing, and that in Him I believe. It's part of living life, you will have down times. This is one of them.

I can't stop my wife from contacting him. I can't stop her from being in love with him, and wanting that relationship to continue, even when she's supposedly wanted to reconcile... but not really. I just couldn't live anymore with her living the double life.

Doubts keep creeping into my mind - maybe he is JUST a friend... but even as early as last week, she mentioned she's depressed, and that she still LOVES him.

Any help/support for one of many on here who has seemed to do it all wrong?

I think I'm firmly back on the divorce diet - no hunger. But the old ticker is taking a beating right now - sleep has been very difficult.