Still moving in a new direction

[mleigh4]

Time for a new thread

[mleigh4]

S bday was a hit. I had 6 rambunctious boys taking over my house. It involved some gaming, skooter time in the backyard, game table competition, and yelling hi at passing cars from the front balcony. Each kid had to be pulled away after 4 hours! Most important, S had a blast with his buddies. At one point, they did a dog pile, and I got the best picture of them all

H brought pizza over. He seemed a bit overwhelmed by the chaos. I always do these parties, he has no idea what it takes! I think I have it down though. They are given the house rules, then I step aside, but keep them within eye and earshot at all times. I always interact too, I had a great pool game with them.

We are totally pooped, dog too. She is right in the middle of it all. I stayed totally normal with H. Thanked him for bringing pizza, stayed upbeat, sent him some pics of party day. You would never know the state he was in last night?

Happy weekend, hope you are all having a good one

[bttrfly]

Hi doll, just got caught up ... whew! you handled that minefield so well, Mleigh I am so proud of you!!!

TBH, it was very hard for me to read that as it cut so very close to home for me. My MIL's interference drove us into MC 11 years ago. H's head didn't come out of her you know what until she drove S home one night after drinking all afternoon, having let him sit in the front seat (age barely 6, weight far below 100 pounds). yeah. let that sink in. Everyone's circumstances are different yet we seem to see common themes, don't we?

You can only do your best, which is spectacular, btw, and keep on top of it. Don't give an inch unless you want to. Sometimes I think everything I ever needed to know about raising kids, or dealing with obnoxious in laws/spouses I could learn from training my beloved dog.

Be kind, reward good behavior, and don't let them forget who is the alpha

[job]

Previous Thread:

Time for a new direction

[mleigh4]

Bttrfly, thank you. Wow, I can't believe your MIL story. I agree, I definitely see something in common with our stories and our spouses. What I have seen is MIL coming off like something is "wrong" with S, because he is not into sports, is calm and mellow, is shy with kids he doesn't know. She gets this into H head and it sends him into a tailspin! I wonder if this is what she did to her own, to make them feel there was something off with them, it could really explain a lot

I can't control what she thinks or tells H, but I can stand my ground with my son. Sure, he has his quirks, don't we all? He is a normal, healthy happy child. Everyone is different and we love them for who they are. I teach my son that and will do my best to teach my H that. He should know best, with all his antics, S and I still love him and welcome him into our world. Hopefully, H will see my world is much happier and loving than his mother's world, and hopefully he can change his thinking about some things.

Job, thank you once again for linking my threads

[mleigh4]

One more thought I want to share as I am feeling on cloud 9 right now....

After all the concerns and drama H reacted with on Friday night, he was able to witness S with his friends yesterday. They played outside together, his friends just adore him, you should see the sweet things they wrote on his birthday cards. They were all respectful and kind to one another, and son was having so much fun, a constant grin ear to ear. And guess who was the most well behaved? That's right.

And who was playing and laughing and enjoying the kids too? Along with putting my foot down if they got a little too crazy? That's me. H watched it all at first, then joined in too with the fun.

I hope he goes home with all of this on his mind. The in your face truth of how S and I are just fine. I hope this will calm some of the neurotic concerns that come from his mother.

Bttrfly, I like your explanation of raising kids. You can read all the case studies and articles you want, but it really comes down to such simple common sense.

Happy Sunday to you all!

[2Times2Many]

mleight4, your last post on the previous thread made me smile!

It feels so good to weather a squall, look back at how we handled and feel really good about how we reacted. Especially when we figure out how to navigate similar squalls in the future. And I loved the way you put it .... I'm free!

So glad your son's bd party was a happy affair for everyone. I'm not sure I'd want to raise an 8-year-old again, but I do miss happy days like that.

2T

[bttrfly]

you are doing great and are a great mom ... even if h never ever acknowledges that your son is thriving and you know the truth. and so do we xoxoxo

[mleigh4]

Thanks 2 times and Bttrfly. Your support really makes me feel good.

Just got TM from H. I was hoping it was something nice or happy. No, more about his mom. Mommy issues are no joke. More accusations of persuading S to not want Grammy day. More backlash about chores.

I replied like I said I would, that I am sorry her articles and case studies get into his head so much, that I am not impressed with her parenting results and am not interested in her parenting suggestions. That all of that is part of a dysfunctional life I am leaving behind me and that I have moved on. I added, HOWEVER, Grammy day is son's choice. If he wants to continue, that is fine and I told her such, as long as she stops parenting him. I told him I do not have the comfort and trust level he has with her. I said we have all had to adjust to big changes, and this is possibly a transition for S, but again,Grammy day is his choice.

I then said, we have 9 more years to co-parent so let's get started. I told him I read the article and liked some of the ideas. I let him know I drew up a list of all the duties it takes to run my home. I plan on sitting down with S and having him choose which he will help me with. After a couple weeks, he needs to do on his own. If not, he will have an additional duty to do before any electronics. I asked him to let me know his plan, that we can compromise and come up with a plan to keep it consistent in both houses.

On pins and needles.....not!! I wish he would just leave me alone, to be honest.....

[mleigh4]

He responded that he feels he was a bit spoiled, not given enough responsibilities, and does not want that for S. He finished with his goal isnt and never was to raise S to be him. Says his hope and goal is to raise S to be much better than him....

Whoa!

I want to respond with comfort and assurance, but I keep hearing STFU in my head. I don't know how to respond to that...

Job, could he possibly be starting to open up with me? Should I just stay quiet? This is new territory, I am stumped.