Feeling he's in MLC, but in D process

[ciluzen]

Oh, Buttercup! I've missed you!

I'm so sorry your hopes were smashed. We'll just have to find a way to glue them back together again. I have gum and a few rubberbands? Those darn emotions do seem to bust up our DB efforts.

I got emotional two nights ago...got a disturbing email from my L reporting something his L had revealed that sent me off the rails. I received it on the way up to his office to exchange something with one of his staff and was so shaken (literally shaking, cold, and hardly able to stand) I was determined to not speak with him. So, of course he came to speak to me and...not my best DB moment. He called later after I got home (I was actually on a GAL activity) to talk about the issue, which turned out to be a stupid mistake his L made.

The next day he called me as I was getting ready for work, trying to be nice about giving me some info about a hobby we share and I shut him down with a "I'm not your concern anymore". What the *&% am I doing? Emotions really mess up our DB efforts.

So today, he was supposed to come work on the house (we will be selling it before the D) and he went skiing instead. I only found that out after wondering where he was and then hearing it from my daughter when she called. Misunderstanding or no?

I guess all I can say during these types of moments is...back to square one...try harder to detach emotionally so that we are not ou of control of ourselves ...make a plan...hope that next time will be another positive interaction due to a lesson learned and greater effort to be that wonderful, strong woman you've been working so hard to find inside you. I am the lighthouse in a sea of crazy...I am the woman only a fool would leave...I am strong, and patient, and very, very kind. And I love my H enough to do this.