Beginning of the End

[1313]

Hi Tim,
about the only thing I could suggest is the DB/DR method on steroids. If you say something - and I'd try to keep it to a minimum - say the exact opposite of what you know she expects to hear.

There's a lot of similarities to my R in that the W was saying things that always got me defensive. I couldn't help it. And whether real or not - no matter what I did to rectify something was exactly the wrong thing to say or do.

Seriously, one of the things that was cause for divorce was a set of bowls. No kidding. I think of everything I said and did, and somehow it meant she was terrible and wrong.

In retrospect, I don't think there was anything I could have done. This was at the point where she was literally looking for things to become symbols. If I told her what I meant, it wasn't valid. Only her feelings and actions are valid. Of course, not being in the WW mode, I could see her side up to a point.

So sadly, you're going to have to validate, but be consistent. Validate everything so that she starts to feel dumb. Validate that it's terrible your S's weigh ins are ruining her schedule, how inconsiderate of them.

I'd like to hear what a vet has to say, but couldn't you just as easily talk about your S like the widget she seems to think he should be? That him having a life of his own, aspirations, dreams, goals are infringing on her wants and needs?

If you talked the same as she is - that would be a form of validation I would think, only it's possible she might reflect on what she's really saying. It seems it's not just you she's complaining about, it's also your S. I dunno - I'm the sure the wrong person to give advice here!