Mu, I hear you about corporate spying, but there are always people using fake names and fake accounts to get away from that.
Not me! But lots of people do it. I am glad you are doing well. Zeus is a very wise man and has given me lots of inspiration as well. I hope you have a great weekend. I was sinking fast this week but have pulled out.
Still here Mu. Not posting much myself due to the lack of movement in my own sitch but still following from a distance.
Your post is uplifting, it feels like you're filling in the parts of your life that need filling in, independent of Mrs. Mu's actions and determinations. Spending time with your son is always a positive.
Are you reading anything at the moment? I'm working through A Return To Love by Marianne Williamson, it's another on the long list to enjoy this year.
Cheers my friend,
PP
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
I want to share important experience I learned about myself. It happened in 2009. My wife had her EA/PA in 2008 from Halloween and Christmas. I had no one I wanted talk to about my life. I was on Facebook at that time. Through a friend on Facebook I got the email address of a girl I had a crush on in junior and senior high school. I really liked her and occasional talked to her but never had the nerve to ask her out. I emailed her out of the blue in the early spring of 2009. We began to correspond back and forth. I eventually confided in her about my marriage and my wife's actions. She shared her marital difficulties with me. At some point I began thinking how she was only 6 hours away and it would be nice to meet her. From there the typical fantasies of unrequited love began.
I remembered my wife saying in the beginning of her EA that it just happened. It felt good to get the attention, be a little flirty, to have something nice for herself. She said it was a slippery slope and before she realized it she was a woman she never wanted to be. I realized where I was going with my friend and had to take action to stop it. I wrote my friend an email telling her how I was growing to attached to her and that I had to end all contact with her. She understood and I then erased all my correspondence with her and deleted her email address. To this day I still think of her, want to contact her again and think about a visit.
I love my wife and I am married to her for better or worse. I took an oath before friends and family forsaking all others. I did this with both eyes open. I am also a man, a man that deeply desires intimacy and connection in his life. I am a weak man who has difficulties with boundaries in matters if the heart and desires in general. I have developed feelings for Fo and Jelly that could lead me down a path that will cause me to be conflicted and confused. At this point in my life it is important to me to to do the right thing, to be the best man I can be. I cannot trust myself and I could not live with myself if I succumbed to my desires.
Jelly, I cannot correspond with you. I like you to much to do so. Your intentions are are not in question, they are honest and innocent. I am the problem and don't trust myself. I brought Fo into this because I needed to. Again, it's my issues, or maybe it just a 6 hour thing.
I will continue to share my thoughts and feelings with my dear friends here in this forum as I work on improving myself in hopes of salvaging my marriage. It was difficult to post this but decided to run towards my fear as a way to gain greater insight into myself.
Mut, I will confuse you all right! I apparently have great abilities to destroy men and their mothers, so anonymity is a good choice.
You are so sweet and I have felt a connection with you as well. Your kindness, humility, sense of duty and commitment are all very attractive qualities. I have often said that you remind me in some ways of my H, the H before he cracked up. (I know, not a very loving way to put it.) And that is also why I worry about you, because in my H's case I believe he sunk into a very lonely and depressive place.
I am glad you have this place, its a safe place to connect and get the support you need. I wish for you to be able to take a little risk though, let some fun and laughter in and be open to the full range of experience that life has to offer. I am not encouraging you to cheat on your w in any way, or to enter into a relationship that you might feel is going to cause confusion. But please take care to not isolate yourself.
I, too am committed to my marriage, and have recently had a connection with someone that started to become intense. I also understand myself better now from this experience and have grown from this experience and am using it as a lesson in boundaries. No more drinking in hot tubs with men who aren't my h! (just kidding. Of course I will drink in hot tubs with men. Just kidding again.) Men and women can be friends. But yes, there needs to be boundaries. I respect yours and I understand.
You are awesome Mutatio. You are one of the people here who have been my "rock" and I will always be thankful for that. I will come and visit you here on DB. I will not track you down and grab your ass. I promise. Not today at least.
As you know I am climbing out of my hole again this week, and you have been one of the people who helped me with that. It is nice to know that you are out there, nice to know someone thinks of me with kindness, and that you think of me when you see the hot air balloons on the horizon.
I hope you have a great weekend, Mut, hope you have a little noise in your life and some laughter and connection with people who want to be with you, in a way that you are comfortable with. Peace and friendship always, Mu. You are awesome.
Mu, I thin sharing that was a very powerful and strong move and shows that you are more in control of your actions than you know. Many of us have had similiar experiences, it's only natural to want that connection with another person. We all have that desire to connect with others and have our emotional needs met.
Last year I had my own similiar experience with a friend me and W both share. She was texting me and the only other woman in real life that has seen and empathisized with the pain I was going through. She actually cared about me and what W was doing that hurt me. I learned later she was having problems in her marriage and I seen the slippery slope that could have occurred if I didn't control myself. Nothing ever happened but it could have easily. I don't speak to this friend that much anymore becaudd of this and also because she is so close to W still.
We're all human and we all have needs mu, it didn't make us any less and I'm glad you shared.
Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
That you don't trust yourself or others to have oposite sex friendships?
Time to learn.
I have at least 5 very close male friends who guess what?
They are friends! They even stay at the big house and guess what there is no risk of bone leaping or any other such boundary infringement.
I am very sure that I can compartmentalise the friend from the lover.
It is sensible if you feel a pull to an EA to stop of course it is.
Mu, please understand that you have become a man only a fool would leave, you have tackled many difficult areas of your life, learned, grown and developed.
That is very very attractive.
Jellyb, since you came here you have grown into you, enormous growth.
That is very very attractive.
Realise that you have just both given each other the most important complement of all, one of the most important things that one friend gives to another acknowledgement of them as capable of true connection and recognition that you are both very attractive as people.
Otherwise why would that concern you?
I think it's wonderful.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
I am holding this together for my children. I am trying to save this marriage for my wife in the hope that she is in a MLC of sorts and may one day want a relationship with me. I am using my commitment to my family as a crutch to travel down this path. There are moments I am barely keeping it together. I don't trust myself not to latch on to Jelly or Fo. I like them. I am in tears right now. My attachment is stronger then I thought. I am married and cannot do what I want. I can't do this. I don't trust myself.
R 25 years M 14 years S11 & S13 Working on it alone since Oct 2014 M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years) Feb 2016. 1st R chat in a yr. Next R chat Aug'17 Still together
