Hi Pink, thanks so much for your post above. I actually didn't start DBing until 3 months after BD and his admission of the PA. During that time we had a number of talks and met up once (last time I saw him). He just kept saying he was confused, and he was clearly still in touch with OW. I asked him about MC and he said 'that's not my idea of romance!' It got to the point where we were going round in circles, and he clearly really wasn't interested in 'us.'
After 3 months, I moved to dim contact and DBing proper, so I have been doing that for 15 months now - and I haven't initiated any R talk during that time. We've spoken twice by phone Over that period - both 20 mins chat or so....all pleasant etc...and because there was some business to sort. I believe he truly thinks - she has her own life now.
In truth, unless he is interested in R, I wouldn't intend initiating any contact with him. I can see where you are going with that suggestion - but it wouldn't help me to see him if he is intent on R with OW. I'm reconciled to never actually seeing him again once the D is finalised.
I think you have a little streak of romance, and you think that perhaps if we meet, something may shift - and would I be at peace knowing I didn't try that? Perhaps - but I think I have done 'enough' for me to try and save things and feel at peace with my part. When he said he wanted us to D last Spring, I told him I loved him and that wasn't what I wanted. That I hoped we might find our way back to eachother.
For me, I plan not to date until at least a year after D. I accept the D will be finalised. During that period, maybe the door is open a tiny chink and if he peeps through it, I'll worry about it at that point. Until or unless that happens, I'm moving forward with my own life and likely won't see him again.
Thanks for your perspective though - it's always helpful to be challenged and to think about changing things up a little....have a lovely weekend. It's a busy one for me - meal out last night with the divorce group, then coffee at someone's house. Got in late. Craft workshop today then off to see the parents. Having a recently bereaved friend over for coffee on Sunday.
Take care all xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
