I understand the struggle! Some days it feels like it would be easier to just rip off the band-aid and get it done with. It would give us the feeling of being in control of our lives and take away the limbo. But you should really think about it before taking drastic steps. You need to be confident in your decision for more than a day or two.
But here's the thing. You can be in control now. That's the beauty of the DB plan. Take control of the things in life that you can control. Have you made a list like Thornton did in his thread? It's something I've been mulling over the last day. Make a list of what YOU want to do in life both short term and long term. Apply an action item to each of those and then go out and have fun checking things off your list.
M34 W35 S5 S2 T10 M6 on/off over the years including her A Recently- Nov 2015 bomb Nov 2015-Feb 2016 Reconciling Feb bomb March-April Reconciling May - bomb Mid-May I tell her I'm done
Yes. Good points guys. I am doing pretty good at GAL otherwise I wouldnt even entertain thoughts of ending it. I will mull it over for quite a while. My plan would not be to pine away for her during the sep. but rather move on. Easy to say I know. Even if we were able to try to reconcile, huge if according to her, it would be long way back with much MC.
I guess I owe it to my S and also W to give it a try. Feel like such shmuck. Like everybody who knows her knows a secret that I don't. Like she is only using this to get out on her own and ease out of the M. I am never one to make rash decisions. Never have been. I am more prone to overthink which causes much stress. I think my decision will be easier made once she does move out.
Fight the good fight no matter the quality of your opponent.
Me-50 WAW-45 S13 Married 24 years Bomb 1-Jan.2008 Disc. EA She came back for 8 years Bomb 2-Jan-2016 Separation 3-12-2016
I have been given different advice about her moving out. Do I jump right in and help her picking out furniture and stuff or do I let her take that responsibilty upon herself? After all she is leaving.
Fight the good fight no matter the quality of your opponent.
Me-50 WAW-45 S13 Married 24 years Bomb 1-Jan.2008 Disc. EA She came back for 8 years Bomb 2-Jan-2016 Separation 3-12-2016
You can help her move out if you can keep it together.
I did that the first time WAW left me. I wanted it to be her last memory of me helping her. After we loaded the last load, I told her I hoped she found what she was looking for and that she found happiness with a warm smile on my face. I closed the door and lost it. But I never let her see me cry.
That's what I was thinking too Thornton. She really lacks compassion man that's for sure. She keeps showing me pics of furniture or telling about it. How am I supposed to respond? Oh great loooove it. It will be great for your new place. Duh. She always has been kind of oblivious to the way her words or actions effect others. But, according to her and I will admit some fault, I have too.
Fight the good fight no matter the quality of your opponent.
Me-50 WAW-45 S13 Married 24 years Bomb 1-Jan.2008 Disc. EA She came back for 8 years Bomb 2-Jan-2016 Separation 3-12-2016
Got home today and noticed wife didnt have any rings on her fingers. So i asked, "should I be wearing my ring" she said it's up to you. I said I noticed you dont have yours on. She said, I took mine off a week ago. I said why? She said it seemed like the right thing to do. What a punch in the gut. Will talk more when she gets home but I think she is done and i think so am I. She really doesnt give a ship about me. Why prolong living with her bull crap and hoping she comes around. I dont think I want her.
Fight the good fight no matter the quality of your opponent.
Me-50 WAW-45 S13 Married 24 years Bomb 1-Jan.2008 Disc. EA She came back for 8 years Bomb 2-Jan-2016 Separation 3-12-2016
You should figure this $hit out before you say or do anything else. Honestly you are reacting to her and she is likely picking a fight to get you to react....this is not a contrst. This is a marriage where both of you are hurt and lashing back at the other...you can do far more damage than not here.
This is what 'detach' is all about.
Take a breath. You can do this. Take a walk whatever you need, ok.
Agree....pump the breaks, man. You just got a swift kick to the head and its not possible to think clearly.
That doesn't mean your emotions are 'wrong'....it just means that when 'fight or flight' kicks in...we lose the ability to reason properly. Thoughts for you my friend.
Ojap M 13 T 15 D 11 D 11 D 9 BD #1: ILYBNILWY 09/2015 BD #2: W asks for S 12/2015 ---------- Currently: Limbo
Just a newbie here but I too experienced the no ring scenario. I didn't say anything when I noticed. It hurts, but it doesn't change anything about your sitch. I still wear mine. As it was pointed out to me in my thread it is a personal choice and I still choose to wear mine. Now my WW brings up she might need to sell hers every time she needs money. I simply tell her that it is her choice what she chooses to do with it. <--you might need to prepare for that if she constantly comes to you for financial support...You got to stop back rolling your WW fantasy world.
I am by NO means an expert here but it seems like your having issues with detaching, I am too. When my WW is unhappy she tries her best to make me too. Don't let her win.
My WW is no longer @ home and I think it is for the best. It [censored] for a couple weeks, but it gets better. The grass will always be greener in her mind until she hops the fence and takes a look for herself. I think it gives me time to just be me, unwind and focus on my goals and plans for the day ahead.
Also, be very weary of an EA/PA. Is it possible your WW just points out the furniture when she notices you noticing her pounding away on her phone and she uses it for an alibi? How many times can someone admire the same thing? Could be it is just a fixation for her and something that makes her happy to fantasize about her new "perfect life"...could be something else. IDK. But I do know my WW can change apps on her phone faster than I can blink.
