Z I am glad you find strength in me and it is useful to you. I'd be curious to know more about what strength you see in me.
This is one of the easier questions you've asked...I see strength in any man or woman who continues to do what they believe is right, despite being tired, lonely or overwhelmed.
You have chosen to stand for your marriage and hold your vows to a woman who is hurting and cannot give that same back to you right now. There are not many men who would stand for their family and kids like you have even though you have been battered by this storm.
I see it as strength.
Tonight I am invited for a drink with some mates. Am pretty wrecked after work but I may go. The rest of the weekend is pretty full but a lot of it is family stuff. But I will have some sport too.
I have taken the stance that I am not saying no to social invitations whenever I don't have plans already in place. it has been a good idea, I have found some fun where I would have missed it in the past. it is one of my 180's and my goals, smothered with GAL all wrapped up into 1
This evening I got home and lately we chat sometimes together when I arrive. Anyway this evening my W was on for talking but was clearly off. One of our neighbours just told her she is splitting with her H. It is so hard to not bring us up at such times. I said soon the neighborhood will be full of bachelors.She looked puzzled but then realised I meant that this guy is the third since we loved there four years ago. I wanted to scream let's get out of here before the curse gets us...... but then maybe it already has. These are hard to deal with. We had a good friend of ours decide to split. We were both crushed by it. it did give some clarity on her position of divorce though. She made mention many times how you just don't walk away from your problems, that it doesn't fix anything...
I am not going to mindread my W nor snoop to see if she mentions why she is off. I have my path. I know that any day she could drop a bomb but I am not going to stress about that until it happens.
Or she won't who knows. Don't let those thought rule your mind. you have been talking about your improved focus right...this is a good place to start. I love the 'stop sigh' approach. it really works. (I have to admit, I also have to SHOUT in my head...STFU....STFU....STFU for it to get through when thoughts are really thick). Mindfulness is key here!
R 25 years M 14 years S11 & S13 Working on it alone since Oct 2014 M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years) Feb 2016. 1st R chat in a yr. Next R chat Aug'17 Still together
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Before my old thread blocks, here is a new one if people have anything to post. I'll write when I have more time. I intend to use this thread mostly to record my actions and maybe put together a list of resources that I have found useful.
Over the last year I have read and probably forgotten so much useful info. I am thinking about compiling all of this as a tool to help others. I am no expert but I have learned a lot. I may not have the time to do this but it is a thought.
Many people disagree with the concept that we have been given the gift of time. I can understand them, but this has been the worst and the best thing to have happened to me. I have learned so much. It is really when challenged in tough situations that we learn the most about ourselves.
Anyway welcome to my latest thread. I will most likely copy some posts from the last thread and then remove it. This is for security reasons but also because I share actual info about my current situation that is useful to get the help I need.But it is still personal stuff.
R 25 years M 14 years S11 & S13 Working on it alone since Oct 2014 M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years) Feb 2016. 1st R chat in a yr. Next R chat Aug'17 Still together
