My WAH is, and has always been a nice guy and because he doesn't want to stay M to me doesn't mean that he's a "bad guy"
I need to be honest with myself and take a good hard look in the mirror. I'm not the person I want to be right now. I'm not a person I'd even want to be around. Yes, given my situation of course it's going to be hard but I think the biggest thing for me right now is I don't want to look back on this time and wish I hadn't been so miserable.
Punishing WAH with my bad attitude doesn't do anything for either of us.
So, over and done with that. My goal for the next 8 days before flying out is to get control over that by stopping myself when I feel angry, and thinking more before I speak. I said I wanted to be intentional about what I say and I haven't been. I really need to work on that.
As far as the D goes, there's no changing the WAH's mind on it. I've accepted that aspect of it. I read here that the D is just a piece of paper, and we determine our relationship. I'd like to have a great relationship with him again...and I don't want it to feel like it's constant work to get there. My goals there will be to: stop holding the past against him (what he's said/done that I didn't like) and start treating him like I would a friend...
I miss him though and that's the hard part - I miss the part of him that was mine. The physical affection. If I could go back and do things over, all over again...and do them right with this man I would. He is, and sometimes it pains me to say it, a wonderful guy. I need to remember that when my head and my thoughts get in the way.
