Still NC - Who is Thornton?

[HopeRB]

I'm trying not to allow myself feel like a victim. After all, I chose to be in a R with a recovering alcoholic. But part of me does feel victimized, I feel like I went above and beyond for our relationship (I'm codependent after all) and she took advantage of that and hung me out to dry.

Now I'm left to pick up the pieces, figure out what to do with "our" house that I paid for without any assistance from her and she gets to walk away scott free. Her name isn't on the loan.

So while I stress about how to pay the mortgage, and all the bills, she gets to live with her mother for free and save money to get her own place.

I know I need to suck it up and move forward, but for now, I'm angry.

I struggle with fighting the victim mentality on a daily basis as I sit in a home we set up together and now I can barely afford to live, as H merrily frolics about, seemingly oblivious to the destruction that surrounds us. I got angry on the way home last night so I wrote a "letter" to H on my phone and that helped me snap out of it. Something that also brings me back is remembering to keep my pride in check. It's strange b/c pride is what took my H away but, I feel like when I start to get angry, thats me feeling like I'm better than him for some reason or something. Just b/c things were done to me doesn't make me perfect or faultless. Just like I feel angry and crippled, H has his own gripes with me. Long story short, I'm with you on those conflicting emotions and like broke, I'm 7 months in and they still happen as if it all started yesterday. Let's just keep pressing on!