I was updating myself on your sitch and felt the need to storm things around.
Sotto you say that there is no contact and things are the way they are. As I recall, you found out about the A and left your H right away. Got yourself into a new place closer to your parents and went NC.
Is there any chance your H got the idea that he is better off far away from you? The MLCers have some crazy stuff in there tiny brains and he may well be thinking that "you" think he needs to be out of your way.
Being close to ours MLCers is very painful, sometimes it would be just easy to cut them off of all contact and move forward without the aggravation.
You are pleasant with him, more like business like. Who knows if in his head he thinks that you were so done with him and it is something that he may try to avoid because he will be rejected in many ways.
It's easy to conclude that "Oh well, H is done with me and is dying in love for the scam bag" ... is that really what he thinks? Is not that mind reading and guessing?
Yes he wants the D, but many others that came back home also said and did that. I did my D and yet I did not want it.
Do you ever think about jumping into the fire to see what really happens? You are stronger now. Even with some pity party episodes as I call, you are much more settle. Why you can put your foot forward and expose yourself a bit more.
Thus that hurt? Yes it does. Is that the right thing to do? It may or may not be. But are you conformed with the end results? Are you going to look back and say you did all you want to do before dropping the rope forever?
D or not D it does not make a difference. We are all human beings assembled with many feelings. You both were in a R and it had problems, but some of those wounds are not as obvious anymore. If there was an interaction today, you would be both some kind of new to each other.
If you would like to send him a card on his BDay, then do so. It really does not matter what he thinks about it. It is about what you think that really makes a difference for "you".
If he is with this scam bag or not it really does not matter much. You have no idea why is he with this woman. Maybe because he has no other option. It is just comfortable to have someone, but it does not mean you love that person.
So, how can you just think that he is in wonderland and moving on as there is no yesterday or tomorrow? If there is no contact, then you can think about how to have some.
If the house is having some selling issues, you could ask to meet him there and walk around to check if there is anything you both can do to improve what people will see.
Maybe there can be a date with SS and the two of you for a reason. Some closure for SS that has been ignored in the way that things just passed by in his life and no one really cares about what he feels.
Or maybe just a coffee because you feel like talking to him. Just that, I would like to chat for my own good.
Is that going to make yourself to open to a dangerous area and you can't expose yourself to that kind of vulnerability/ Why not? Is there anything to lose? Or checking the temperature will make you see what is really there?
I do not want to put the hot potato on your hands, but taking the NC road is letting you just guess about things and it is not going to help you with closure if that is what you want. Neither is giving him any clue that you have your door still open to him.
If I am him, I would think that you are so done with him you don't even want to look at him. And why not? Sometimes, a little contact for crazy reasons would create a situation to show you are in a better place with yourself.
Reading an email or text is not really enough, there are interpretations and the guessing game there. What for you may be polity, pleasant, positive, validating... can be for him that you just take care after business.
Question: How do you feel about exposing yourself a bit? Would that be something you feel you can do? Can you handle the pain?
Sorry to pock you with a short stick, but I have a little devil inside of me and for me I believe that if I need to be done and drop that rope, I need to be sure I tried everything before letting go.
