Just got home and I'm exhausted. Worked all day, then gym, then DivorceCare. Looooong day.
I had a couple sad spells today thinking about WAW and how this all happened but was able to bounce back quicker than usual, so that's good.
I'm also starting to feel angry again. I find myself cursing W under my breath. I have a feeling my anger is going to get worse as time goes on.
I'm trying not to allow myself feel like a victim. After all, I chose to be in a R with a recovering alcoholic. But part of me does feel victimized, I feel like I went above and beyond for our relationship (I'm codependent after all) and she took advantage of that and hung me out to dry.
Now I'm left to pick up the pieces, figure out what to do with "our" house that I paid for without any assistance from her and she gets to walk away scott free. Her name isn't on the loan.
So while I stress about how to pay the mortgage, and all the bills, she gets to live with her mother for free and save money to get her own place.
I know I need to suck it up and move forward, but for now, I'm angry.
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
I'm trying not to allow myself feel like a victim. After all, I chose to be in a R with a recovering alcoholic. But part of me does feel victimized, I feel like I went above and beyond for our relationship (I'm codependent after all) and she took advantage of that and hung me out to dry.
I feel exactly the same way, Thornton. I put everything I had into my marriage and family. Maybe it wasn't what our WAS wanted, but at least give us a chance to work on the issues before you leave.
About having a bad day today - remember to not be too hard on yourself, Thornton. It is still so fresh. I am more than 7 months since the bomb dropped and I still have very bad moments and very bad days. Yesterday, I was driving home after having a great time at golf and I burst into tears. It was one of those "surreal" moments that can sneak up on you. But, I was able to bounce back a little quicker, too. So, I look at that as a positive sign for both of us. I think we just have to stick to our GAL and 180 goals and keep moving forward. My hope is with doing that work on ourselves and with the passage of time that those bad times will be become fewer and far between.
I am glad you have dinner with D16 to look forward to tonight!
M 44 H 46 M 20yrs T 25 yrs S15 S12
ILYBINILWY 7/18/15 Move to MBR 9/8/15 Physical Separation 10/10/15 Suspect A 8/2015 Confirm A 12/27/15 D filed by H 2/2/16
I'm trying not to allow myself feel like a victim. After all, I chose to be in a R with a recovering alcoholic. But part of me does feel victimized, I feel like I went above and beyond for our relationship (I'm codependent after all) and she took advantage of that and hung me out to dry.
Choices buddy....you made them, she made them...
She didn't do anything to you, that you didn't allow...
Dust off, and change your perspective.
Originally Posted By: Thornton
So while I stress about how to pay the mortgage, and all the bills, she gets to live with her mother for free and save money to get her own place.
I know I need to suck it up and move forward, but for now, I'm angry.
You can do it Thornton. Yesterday was a good day and maybe you feel a bit down this morning but there is always another hour. Maybe get a walk or jog in during your lunch break. Just clear the head. You have daddy/daughter date night and that has got to be something to look forward too! Think that you are making memories that your daughter will cherish. You are showing your daughter the man she will judge every other man by! I know it sounds like a small thing, just you and daughter doing something. And maybe you think it is more for your sanity. But you are literally creating the model man for your daughter. She will always remember when things were bad the strength her father had in order to continue to show her love.
Maybe that does not make sense and I did not word it correctly, so let me tell you a story I experienced. I said about my mom cheating on my dad. Well when they separated it was Christmas. I remember hearing the phone ring in the early morning as I was waking up and my dad answering it.
Dad: Hello Dad: No you cannot speak to her. Dad: And let me tell you, you motherf*& if you ever call this number again I will hunt you down and kill you.
15 minutes later my brother and I are awake and go downstairs to open our presents, we were me 17 and brother 20. My dad is laughing and joking. Then we climb in the family car and visit both sets of grandparents. It was a great day. When we get home about 10 pm that night, my dad says to me "leave the car running you are taking your mom down to her sisters to live."
Later as I was graduating from college, I asked my dad. "Both brother and I heard the call and knew what happened, why didn't you say anything until that night? It must have been murder on you." His response was "I wanted you kids to have one more good Christmas." I still get choked up thinking that he would put himself through that so me and my brother who were pretty much adults could have one more Family Christmas and how much strength that would take!!
That Thornton is the example you are being to your daughter. And while I model myself to be like my dad, your daughter is going to judge other men according to the example you are setting!
Me 41 W 33 M 2013 Suspect A 11/15 Confirm A 1/16 She moved out 2/14/16 Stepson 13 Stepson 16
Thank you for sharing your story - it reminds all of us with children that they are watching and learning. We have to be at our very best when we are actually going through our worst. Your dad is a very special person. I can only hope that I am following in his footsteps....
M 44 H 46 M 20yrs T 25 yrs S15 S12
ILYBINILWY 7/18/15 Move to MBR 9/8/15 Physical Separation 10/10/15 Suspect A 8/2015 Confirm A 12/27/15 D filed by H 2/2/16
I just made it to work and thought I would check in real quick.
Thanks for all the notes, I appreciate you all.
Mach - perspective, I'm working on it. I'm trying to release W in my mind and wish her well. Easier said than done. My triggers are all the reminders - going to the store, driving by a restaurant we used to enjoy etc. Those can really put me in a funk.
I find myself avoiding certain places because I don't want to re-live the memory I have with W and I visiting there in the past. It's hard for me to not look back. I know the way to feel better is to look forward, but sometimes I instinctually look back on a fond memory.
I'm month in at this point and I sometimes feel like I'm in denial. Like I know she will reach out sooner or later. That keeps me stuck and fixated on her. Baby steps, right?
Tonight is daddy/daughter date night, I'm going to do my best to just enjoy spending time with her and not thinking about my sitch.
Tim - your dad is a hero IMO. What a class act, if you can imitate your date, you are going to be ok.
Thorn, I don't think there's anything wrong with avoiding triggers as long as it's not impacting you and your goals.
I had an appointment yesterday that put me in an area of town W and I went to frequently. I intentionally walked new streets avoiding the harsh trip down memory lane. Instead I enjoyed the sites of new places and things. Stay positive by choice
M34 W35 S5 S2 T10 M6 on/off over the years including her A Recently- Nov 2015 bomb Nov 2015-Feb 2016 Reconciling Feb bomb March-April Reconciling May - bomb Mid-May I tell her I'm done
