Anyway, my point is that you need to really make up your mind that you may be in harms way keeping things the way they are.
Or you think that your H won't go to far besides being a jerk to you right now.
Make that assessment that only you can do and then you may know which direction you need to go.
Just for you to laugh... the day my XH came to my house to prepare the D papers, he brought me a large and beautiful spring flower bouquet... go figure!
I care for you but I would like to hear what is it exactly that is going on... is he a monster or a jerk?
Tell us the way you see it and you may get more help in that direction.
Since I found out about the OW which has been a week now..My dr wants to put me on an anti depressent for my mood and panic attacks. I had one yesterday when they called to change my dr appointment.
I'm Jelly, I have been lurking and reading your sitch. The first months is always a chitty time! It all feels out of control. LIfe stinks and then one day you wake up and you realise it stinks a little less than it did yesterday. You can break the chittiness down into a series of three months intervals as far as responding to all of this.
Maybe I can do a shout out to Zues who wrote an amazing post on the emotional journey of the DB poster.
Just know Red, that like with all things in life this chittness passes and stench it causes fades.
You have one of the tougher sitches, due to H's extra bag of chit. Just remember that most of what is stinking around at yours is H stuff and NOT YOU!
Hang in their beautiful thing.
PS: Congrats on the almost 100lb weight loss. That is no mean feat and takes some gumption and guts to get there. So we all know you're brave, focussed and determined. Those qualities are now needed in this sitch. You get through this bit of your DB journey the same way you lost the weight. One day at time, one pound at time.
Rednail, I'm glad to see your list. I feel a bit better in the fact that you've thought out a lot of the things that you would need to do. Do you have some money stashed somewhere? You need to leave some money w/someone just in case you do need to leave very quickly.
One of the most important things to do is breathe. Take it hour by hour. Put a rubber band on your wrist. If you think you are getting ready to do something that may anger him, snap that band! It's helped a lot of people on the forum and I think this may help you too because if you snap it hard enough, your focus will be on the sting and not on him and what you want to say or do.
I'm keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
You sound like you are doing a bit better Red, although if you are anything like me, it does not feel that way to you. I applaud you on your plans and the steps you are taking. Maybe, as you move forward H will do some self evaluation and truly change, maybe he wont. However, you will be a much stronger, self aware woman and that is the most important thing!
As far as the papers you are working to figure out, my county has a legal service that in order to do public service private attorney's will agree to do pro bono (free) cases for. You may want to call you clerk of courts office and see if something similar would be available to you and if you would qualify. I am not saying you have to move forward in that way but never hurts to be prepared and have all the information.
Me 41 W 33 M 2013 Suspect A 11/15 Confirm A 1/16 She moved out 2/14/16 Stepson 13 Stepson 16
Job- yes I have 2500$ in cash in a safett deposit box and 200-300$ cadh in my purse for emergencies.
Thank you for keeping me in your prayers.
I gave on my M. My only focus now is making sure I will be fine with the kids while he does whatever he will do.
My dr. Gave me sleeping pills so sleep at night. I do not even like taking meds and now I'm on 3.
Tim- do they really?i should call and look into that and see if they offer that here. That is very very good advice. I will have to call on monday! Spend the weekend looking up as much information as I can.
Red, I'm like you. I don't take meds and now I'm on two, plus Benadryl to sleep. It's just for a little while to help us through.They say it helps... So does wine, IMHO.
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
Love you girl. Our baby all grown up, taking care after business and making herself a priority... Hurrayyy!!!
Red, I am really proud of you. You have been in such difficult situation. Nasty discoveries, with your would suddenly upside down, and look at you. You are still handling it. You are not in any meaning down to the ground even if it feels like.
Every single day will make you stronger and you will feel a little better. I am not saying you will be happy, it is just a bit better, more peace inside yourself and more clear path to work in whatever situation you have.
Your list look great darling. Actually, you are doing much better then I did on my days, you have a list of your priorities. Take credit for your efforts and be proud of yourself, it will build confidence and will make you a much better person.
Red, it's all upside down right now, but remember that life goes around and many sitches change. What your H is saying today may not be the same in a year.
As the time goes you will see that you will be able to apply more and more the principles of DB. You will see that many things will make sense and they are more for "YOU" then anything else.
Have faith, keep praying and applying yourself towards the woman you want to be and you will even get your H's head turning towards you trying to figure who is this beautiful woman that he was being a jerk to.
It's not going to be always easy, it's not going to be hell forever... it will just be "YOU" becoming a beautiful butterfly with longs and colorful wings flying high and seeing the world the way "YOU" want to see it.
