Not sure where to stand

[Sparkls]

Journal-ing:
Had kind of just a sad day. Not overly so, I stayed busy but I was just sad. I miss BF. As I was talking to my dad (who really has stepped up in the dad department here. he calls me every day to check in on me <3 we had a rough few years in our relationship when he started dating his current wife/gf/person because she kicked me out of the house when I was 18 while I was away at college but I digress)
My life is really not any different without Bf here aside from having to take care of the dogs by myself and not doing the things I did for him anymore (taking him to work, cooking dinner etc).
He wasn't in my life because I needed him. There is no part of my life that functions less smoothly without him here. He was here because I enjoyed his company. I liked being around him. I liked making him dinner. I liked taking him to work and giving him a kiss goodbye. But the reality is he did very little for me besides be there. And he really hasn't been there lately due to his affair bullsh*t. So what am I fighting for?
I'm fighting because I made a commitment to him. And although we aren't legally married, in my mind, I feel like he's my husband. I dunno how to describe it really. A lot of people say you aren't married, you don't have kids, why aren't you just saying hasta la vista baby? I committed to our relationship, for good and bad.
Part of today has been reassuring. I'll be fine without him. But I really want him there for the big things I have coming up in my life. And everyone talks about time and I can give it a month before I really have to start making decisions without him. One day at a time until then. Thinking back about everything, I really am thinking that separating and going NC is the right move. Although we always do better when we talk (his words), this is a journey he has to do alone or he'll resent me for my interference somewhere down the road. I hope he finds the guy he used to be, cause the guy he is now quite frankly blows.

GALing today was pretty good though: getting my hair done tomorrow, worked for several hours on a research project for school, cleaned my house (an on-going process) and baked for a friends upcoming baby shower on Sat.