Thank you Pajo, you said just what I needed to hear. I have done more for myself in the last few weeks than I have done in the past year. For the past year and a half we built a house in a foreign land where neither of us spoke the language very well. I had never felt as exhausted as during this process and I know this has contributed to our difficulties, the OM is single and has no responsibilities of a family or anything. I had been doing more as a family and spending less time on the house during the last 6 months but she never got him out of her head.
I think she is being encouraged by a number of her work friends that are single or have no children, she has cut out most of the friends we have that have families. There is nothing I can do about that as we all know, I can only be the best Dad I can be and a good man for somebody.
Like you said, I haven't given up hope on my family being reunited but I'm not going to sit around and wait for life. There are many things I can do, by myself or with my kids, I have met new people that I can do things with my kids and new ones that I can do things when I don't have them. My W has generally been someone that waits for life to come to her and then has usually blamed me for when it doesn't. We have made choices in our lives that have proved to be difficult, but only 4 months ago we both said we would do it all again. 1 month after that she was done....
Thanks again Pajo, as someone else mentioned you write so well and can help bring strength to others. I hope I can return the favour and encourage you also. It is a very difficult time, but I know that I have made good progress on me, with my kids and I most nights I can sleep well.
I agree whole heartedly that I also want to say to my kids that I did everything I could to keep/bring us back together. I said to them the other night how I could see how wonderful this family could be, my son agreed with me and said he wished it could be...
Take care Pajo and my thoughts are with you and your daughters.
I'm kinda at the stage where I don't really know what my W is anymore. I guess I still consider her a WW because of some of the things she said regarding this OM but after her telling me that he also likes men, does she really see a future there...
My family and I have a theory that she expected me to pack up, go home and leave her everything, something I haven't done and now she is having to walk the path she set out for herself. I am not going to try and change her mind anymore and haven't for the last couple of months, there is only one consistent thing about her and that is her inconsistency. Her only answer to anyone is she is done, done, done. There doesn't seem to be any explanation to go with it.
Have been enjoying the time to find myself again, meeting new people away from work etc. Have a good day planned for Saturday as I've found the weekends hard with her still in the house. Out in the morning with my kids, then out to meet some new people for some drinks at night.
As mentioned here, it is the hardest thing we may have to deal with. My W has leaned on me for 10 years, now she suddenly wants to stand on her own 2 feet and the only way she sees how to do that is to split the family. I know she hasn't even done that yet, I know she is leaning on other people and I believe will continue to do so.
Anyways, take care all!! See what tomorrow brings.
I don't think she wants to stand on her own two feet. There are two other feet still in the picture and they're not yours. Women don't leave to be alone unless they absolutely have to (abuse, cheating husband). She might want to leave, but not to be alone. You need to find out what is really going on or you don't have a chance to fix it.
I guess I still consider her a WW because of some of the things she said regarding this OM but after her telling me that he also likes men, does she really see a future there...
It isn't about what the OM (gay or straight), it is about your Wife. There is another poster here who has a WW, and he kept telling himself everything was okay b/c the OM was gay. Maybe, but the WW was in an EA, nevertheless. Do you understand what I'm saying here? Her OM may never consider having sex with her, but it's not about the OM, it's about how she thinks, feels, and acts. That's what makes her wayward. And, btw, if she stops contacting the OM one day, and she's talking about leaving the next day? She's still wayward. I never left my home, yet I was a wayward wife.
Her status doesn't change from waywardness, until her heart changes.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Thanks Sandi, Tx.. Sorry I was wondering aloud... I know she is the issue and her thoughts, feelings etc. Her response to anyone is that she is done, done, done yet won't expand on that and also a few weeks ago said she could see pros in keeping the family together but not enough.
I am planning to keep doing what I'm doing with my own life and continuing the GAL things I have been doing already. I will also continue to follew the principles of going darker once she moves out.
I understand what you are saying Sandi, I get that she has got an emotional connection to this OM and I know it is her thoughts and feelings that need to break down some how. I know I have always been a easy target of blame during our relationship for her failings/ mistakes as well as my own. I guess at the very least with her moving out, I can't be the target of the anger, guilt etc that is going on with her. Or whatever range of emotions she is feeling.
I am feeling so done with my W. Found out today that she has been advised to carry pepper spray because I have said how hurt I have been when some people have asked. I've never laid a hand on her in any way, she has been the one who has been physical or directed her anger at me.
Why the hell has she done this, why try and destroy my character in the process, is cheating and leaving not enough for one person to bare?
How can people think that way and then allow me to have my kids by myself? Seriously, what the hell is wrong with this world?
Some WW's do mean and hurtful things, and they will lead people to think the H is the bad guy.......to justify herself. It's as if a total stranger has replaced the soul of your W and just borrowing her body. For your own sanity, you may have to think of her as being a completely different woman.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
